Significant Other wants me to give up

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  • #2804478
    Future CPA

    Long story short I have taken one exam, got a 69, and I’m currently studying for that same exam again.
    I am being very thorough this time and taking it slow. I felt like last time work/college/life got in the way and I honestly wasn’t as disciplined as I am now.

    The other day my SO said something like “If you don’t pass this exam and don’t pass the next one you should probably give up.” He was one of the lucky people who passed all four on the first try so I feel like he’s…out of touch. I already feel stupid for failing and am putting enough pressure on myself as it is. IDC if I fail all sections five times I’m GOING TO BE A CPA.

    So- How do you guys not get discouraged when your SO doesn’t think you can do it?
    Where do you find support if your SO just doesn’t get it?

Viewing 15 replies - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #2804508

    What kind significant other would discourage you like that? I'm mad just reading your post. March on and make him feel stupid once you pass all 4.

    Shoot for the stars!

    FAR 88 04/19

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    Future CPA

    I'm definitely going to keep my chin up and when it's over he's not invited to the celebration party, ha ha.


    I'm with @Puppykoala – this post makes me angry! I took AUD 5 times in total. I wanted to give up repeatedly, but my husband kept encouraging me to keep going. Of course, he's not an accountant like your SO. I definitely see how you think he's out of touch. People struggle. A lot of people. It's hard for a reason. For me, it was about finding my best study method. It took me a long time and more tries than I really want to admit – but I went on to pass all 4 in 6 months and I'm stupidly proud of that. Just keep at it! Use his doubt as fuel to push you through. 🙂

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    Licensed in IL & MO

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    Wiley CPAexcel and NINJA 10 Point Combo


    Don’t ever let anyone tell you what you can or can’t do.

    Be your own person. Have your own goals. Accomplish them on your own terms.

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    Like the others I am getting seriously bad vibes from your SO.
    I passed them all on the first try but I can't imagine encouraging someone, SO or not, to give up, EVER.
    Some people want to see other people succeed in life, and some don't.
    If you don't achieve this goal your SO will always have a position of power over you in your life and relationship.
    I'd probably seriously look at what type of person your SO is, and how they treat you in your relationship.
    This has giant red flag all over it and I'd encourage you to analyze things very carefully. Sounds like you might have a bad apple, and more often than not you are better off cutting these types of people out of your life.

    Memento Mori - Kingston NY CPA & EA (SUNY Albany 2002)

    FAR-93 11/9/17 (10wks, 250 hrs, Roger 1800+ MCQs, Gleim TB 600+MCQs, SIMs)
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    Eww. I couldn't have done it without wifey support. “I've got your back no matter how many times you need to get back up after being knocked down” were words I needed to hear.

    Not to get all Dr Phil here, but assuming that this SO is a boyfriend and not a husband of 10 years or something, this might be something to consider for down the road when you take on other ventures. If you start a business that fails (like almost all first businesses do), will he discourage you from learning from your mistakes and starting another?

    There is no education like adversity.

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    Also passed all first time…and it does bias me. We all have different skills, and I'm not bad at test taking, except for the memorization component.

    Well, confession time. I have advised people to quit when the scores were very low. My experience GENERALLY with standardized tests is that you're only going to go up so much, so that if you really gave max effort, and weren't close, my feeling was you might be better off realizing test taking isn't your best skill.

    I've seen success stories here that make me realize I was wrong; people have gone up 20 points.

    Fortitude is also not one of my top skills…I doubt I'd be able to slog through patiently like some of you have, but I'd also be first in line to hire you knowing how hard you work, and how dedicated you are.

    Sidebar…my marriage did end about a year after the last exam. Between the prep and tax season…well…it didn't help. It certainly wasn't the only problem, but it definitely contributed. Looking back on it…I'm glad, because there was no rider to the vows that said “till death, or tax season, do we part”. If it wasn't going to survive some long days, it wasn't long term viable anyway.

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    Aaron and always remember, YMMV

    I profit from your CPE frustration. You're welcome.

    Future CPA

    Update- We talked it out this morning. I explained how what he said was hurtful and that I need him in my corner no matter how any times I fail these exams. He agreed, apologized, and said he was only worried because we are saving for our wedding. He knows I can do it but if I did fail them all multiple times I should take a break. He also said he didn't really mean I should quit trying to become a CPA just maybe hit pause and try for CISA first because I'm an Accounting/ IS double major.


    While I agree that a significant other that doesn't support you is WRONG, perhaps he was looking at it from a perspective of it taking too much out of your life which includes him, family, etc. which describes his response.

    Committed relationships/marriages are tricky when one spouse is trying to accomplish something time consuming. I once knew someone who was trying to be a doctor. After failing to get into medical school the first few times, he then went and obtained a few masters degrees from different schools to try to improve his application. He was already married with kids at this point and in a tremendous amount of debt. Eventually he got into medical school after many years and many relocations but the amount of debt he's in he'll be paying off the rest of his life and his family has financially suffered ever since.

    His wife was supportive of his goal the whole time but was it worth it? He uprooted his family multiple times, wasn't around very often during his children's lives, and has adversely affected the family's financial situation. If his wife would have suggested something other than a doctor for a career would she have been wrong assuming she was thinking of the state of the family as a whole?

    My point in all of this is that maybe your spouse was thinking of you two as a unit as well as your future and plans for a family and maybe from his perspective he was seeing that this exam has been so consuming, it might somehow jeopardize your future plans which include him and maybe others.

    I'm not trying to defend him, but maybe just seeing things from his perspective might help in terms of realizing what he meant when he told you to give up.


    Don't give up. Statistically speaking, you're more likely to always have your CPA versus that significant other. Just sayin… Think about it!

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    Using Becker self-study
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    Future CPA

    I completely agree with you AnimalWithin. I understand his perspective because our life has been put on hold for a few months and the holidays are coming up. I do agree that I should be mindful of how much time this is going to take and possibly study differently?
    My only concern is if I don't get these knocked out now I'll be studying while working and that seems even worse.

    12tang – That is so true haha!


    I also agree you shouldn't give up. My story is a little different. I am older…never really applied myself and always failed the CPA exam. I tried out of college and I failed…went at it off and on till I was in my early 30's and failed and then passed in my early 40's. I pushed myself because my boss was pressuring me to pass the exam since he was retiring. Anyway I passed BEC which was the first exam I took in this new window with a 75. The first words out of my gf's mouth was it's ok to give up. Not everyone can be a CPA. I was pretty confused and after some thought hurt that is what she thought…in the end it was because she missed me not being home since I was studying so much at work and the library. I guess there are other angles to look at their motives or meaning in what they say. In the end I passed…even though she didn't think I would and life moves on.

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    @FutureCPA, always a good idea to reflect on how one can study more efficiently, especially if you feel like your study methods/habits can improve.

    Studying whilst working is no fun but I think you'll find that most of us here on this forum work full time and study year round so if we can do it, so can you!


    The best thing about getting another 71 was she told me, she's still proud of me. It's a tricky balance.

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    “Focus on the future for 50%, on the present for 40%, and on the past for 10%." - Maasaki Hatsumi
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