My employer asked me do I want kids

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  • #3126597

    I am an accountant and started my new job 2 months ago. I graduated in May this year. And I am taking my CPA exam, only BEC left.
    Last week, my employer asked me a series of weird questions.
    He started by asking me how old I am.
    Then he asked me do I want kids? (I am engaged and soon to be married). I answered” yes”. He asked “when”, I said, ” not sure”.
    He kept asking ” do you consider adoption” . I answered ” I haven’t really think about it”.
    Then the conversation became more weird. He asked “are you in love with your husband”
    I feel like I am being discriminated.
    What is he doing ???
    I am sorry I don’t know where to post this kind of questions.

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  • #3126741

    It's time to start a stealth job searching.

    It's all to well known that your current employer is trying to press you for information and may likely discriminate against you.

    Whatever the reasoning your employer asking about these questions, it doesn't seem like it would be a place for women wanting to start a family.

    I would definitely get out ASAP.

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    Thank you! I think I will start looking for jobs now.
    It's crazy that this still happen to women.


    Very well said Skynet. If it were a job interview maybe he should ask those questions. But questions of love for your husband is definitely out of line. Who cares if you love your husband or want children, can you do the job is the question. So I agree, document any meetings from this point on and absolutely get out quickly. Get a witness of this type of questioning or conversation as well.

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    Agree completely; that's completely irrelevant to him and had to have been uncomfortable. I don't even want to know why he asked those questions. I'm sorry you had to experience that and now probably have to find another job! But no decent future employer should question your reasons for leaving.

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    I would recommend you immediately document what happened between you and your supervisor, so you can file a complain if necessary. If I were you, I will openly speak up and say I'm not comfortable about the conversation. I will also demand explanation and apology (which should also be documented).

    If you feel like he will be a threat, then speak to HR or equal opportunity office and ask for assistant. Ask to be assign to another team or avoid direct contact.

    Last but not least, find another job.

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    Thank you Tncincy. I will be more careful from now on.


    Thanks Sam.


    Thank you JFKGY. It was a really uncomfortable conversation. He asked me to take a walk with him and started asking questions.
    I will document what happened. I am looking for another job.
    I wanted to talk to HR, but I am afraid HR will talk to him. He is actually the CEO of the company.


    You can’t ask those questions in a job interview or on the job. Start documenting, dates, details of conversations. Keep it private. Don’t speak to people at work about it since you are new. Unfortunately, you will need a new job and can’t say this is why you are looking. Yes it still happens. Yes it is illegal. Yes it is creepy. Run don’t walk to your next job. If you start to feel unsafe, leave. When you leave it will be your choice to tell him this is why you are leaving. Don’t say where you are going and let time pass before you add it to LinkedIn or other profiles. Good luck.

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    Check your employees manual. If you are from a big company (sounds like you are, to have a HR), then there should be some sort of policy or a specific unit where you can report this incident, usually something call “equal opportunity”, “discrimination”, etc.

    In our office, we are requires to attend an annual training on sexual harassment, religious, bias, appropriate conversation, dressing code, personal opinion, etc. Employer in NYS that's bigger than certain size are usually required to have this kind of training. You can file a report anonymously. You should file one just in case it didn't work out you sue the company for damage.

    Another way to go around is to talk to the board, the board of directors have authority over the CEO.

    Sometimes you might need to call for backup, if your company is small or if you are worry about
    retaliation. Your supervisor has the responsibility to take in your complain and ask for special arrangement to protect you from unreasonable working environment. Ask for support, especially from coworkers or supervisors that are already married and have kids. (Not to be bias against singles, which is also helpful).

    If they do retaliate you, sue them, chances are they will fire you, but you will also be compensated. My friend got off the court and get 12 months worth of compensation. Of course, talk to the lawyer before you take action to make sure you get all the proof before leaving.

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    In search for a position in NYC that will fulfills the license requirement.

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