March 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm #168419
I’ve hit a block walll, and I’m not sure I can recover. I hit a rough patch last week and did not want to study. I pushed myself so hard to get through the material, but it was drudgery. Then all of a sudden everytime I opened up my book I was overwhelmed with anxiety – anxiety and an overwhelming need to cry. It was crazy – it is crazy… this whole week I’ve been a mess trying to figure out what I want to do. Do I keep spending money and try passing, or just go out and get a job? (I’ve been home studying for this exam and trying to be a mom for the past year). This CPA exam process has been my life day and night. It’s almost like I’m going through a really, REALLY bad breakup. 🙁
I wish I could say” yeah, I’ll study tomorrow and get this stuff nailed”, but my brain cannot wrap itself around studying anymore, and I don’t like it. I feel really lost…
I’ve looked for comfort on this site and I am seriously impressed by some of you that just keep going…. you are truly amazing. I’m trying to find inspiration to keep going, but nothing is working. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for this rigourous testing. It’s beaten me down hard.
March 18, 2012 at 7:36 pm #334444AnonymousInactive
@GreenEyes — I'm very sorry to hear that you're thinking about giving up. This is one of those things in life that is really worth having; and once you finish the process, it'll probably be your most significant accomplishment to date (save for your kids, of course). It's not going to be easy, but if you want it bad enough, you'll figure out a way to plow through this roadblock. In the immortal words of Jim Morrison, “Break on through to the other side” :).
Looking at your scores, I have to say they're not that bad…you've already nailed BEC and you are SO close on FAR and not that far away on REG; suffice it to say, I've seen a lot worse. As far as the anxiety goes, maybe there's a deeper issue that is causing your anxiety. If not, then maybe you should see a therapist to discuss way to manage your anxiety. Do whatever you need to do to get over this hump and pass these frickin' exams!
One last thing, you are right, there are A LOT of inspirational people/stories on this forum (e.g., @KeepTrying…she's my hero). This exam isn't just testing your knowledge, greeneyes, it's testing your ability to claim victory in the face of overwhelming adversity. It measures your character, your will to persevere, and your Rocky-like ability to get back up from the mat after being knocked down for the 18th time by Ivan Drago.
The only time I would tell you to postpone the exam and find a job elsewhere would be if you were struggling to provide for you children. If that's not the case, then there is NO reason for you to quit. Best of luck!!March 18, 2012 at 8:13 pm #334445MaverickMember
greeneyesCPA, all too familiar feeling to me and many cpa candidates. Jeff understood this very well and started this site – helping people like us. Sometimes I get so frustrated that my head feels like it's in a pressure cooker or 1000 feet under water. I try to give myself a break every now and then but it's hard to reduce the stress when I am constantly thinking about it. When I am not studying, I am thinking about studying, and when I am studying I am still thinking about studying. It can be especially stressful when you have children.
For me, I remind myself God does not want me to worry and to give it to him. This is easier said than done because I still worry. I also have to remind myself that me being a CPA has to be God's will and if He has other plans for me then He will give me a change of heart.
I know each member here have their own preference for comfort, motivation, and inspiration. I respect their individuality. I know some people don't like to read what I wrote above. I only ask that the individual respect my words as I respect their comments (whether I agree or not).
F - Passed...THANK YOU, LORD. GLORY TO GOD.
B - Passed...THANK YOU, LORD. GLORY TO GOD.
A - Passed...THANK YOU, LORD. GLORY TO GOD.
R - Passed...THANK YOU, LORD. GLORY TO GOD.
Ethics - 95
I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT MY LORD. THANK YOU.
"According to your faith will it be done to you." Matthew 9:29March 18, 2012 at 8:30 pm #334446mla1169Participant
Its a lot like childbirth, you reach a point that you know you can't do it anymore and know you can't even try. You are done and have nothing left to give. Then somehow you realize you have no choice it has to be brought to the very happy outcome and there's only ONE way to get there so you find strength that you never knew you had and get back to work with a vengeance.
AUD -49, 71, 84
Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.March 18, 2012 at 8:39 pm #334447AnonymousInactive
Pffffffffffffffftttt….Childbirth…like THAT'S difficult…yeah right. Haha juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding, ladies 😉 I have a healthy respect for women due to the fact that I would not want to try to push a cantaloupe out of any orifice of my body.March 18, 2012 at 8:44 pm #334448AnonymousInactive
I agree with BaseballCPA and Maverick – If you are worried about feeding your family then by all means your priority is to your family but if not then remember the only way to fail is to quit! I admire Baseball so much because he passed everything on the first attempt but doesn't rub it in anyone's face. He doesn't gloat. In fact he tries to help. That is awesome in my book and his advise to me just in the last few days has helped tremendously.
I also agree with Maverick. It may not be popular or “in-style” but I believe that “If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it”. I've seen heartache and tragedy in my 43 years that would make your toes curl. But I survived to fight another day! I believe that every bad thing that happens does so for a reason. I lost a son when he was 2 months old to SIDS. Then I miscarried 4 times. I was devastated and lost my mind for a few years. Out of all of that heartache and pain I got a wonderful son who is incredible. He's smart beyond belief and just a great kid. Maybe I had to go through all of that hell just to give birth to the person who will walk on Mars, or cure cancer or whatever incredible thing life has in store for him. I don't know what he is capable of but he has a destiny and I had to suffer for that destiny.
I have so many scores below 75 that I have spent countless hours crying, screaming, fighting and just being depressed. But if just one person takes those scores and says “I don't want to be like that, so I'll work twice as hard as I planned. I'll study longer and harder then ever to pass.” then every one of those scores is worth it. Jeff was so honest with his struggle that he created this site and he is my hero. He is one of the reasons I'm still at this. His scores are my inspiration.
Just take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Leave those negative thoughts in the rear view mirror and KEEP MOVING FORWARD!March 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm #334449AnonymousInactive
@Kricket — Thank you for the kind words, I'm happy that what I said was helpful to you. In all honesty, I haven't always been, um, the nicest person on this forum…I've been known to be a bit sarcastic at times. The ones that really get me are the posts like, “would you rather fail or pass the CPA exam?” or “If I study, do I stand a better chance of passing”; then I sort of hulk-out and bang out a scathing reply. However, your posts are legitimate and well-though out. You have a valid concern and I will do whatever I can to assuage your feelings of uncertainty about yourself. Nobody should ever have to doubt their own abilities…we are all capable of doing great things. Plus, I can already tell that I like you as a person (from a virtual P.O.V.) and you've got me in your corner rooting for you, along with many of the other community members. Feel free to tap me as a resource as you continue your fight against this arduous process.
By the by, I did pass all 4 on the first try, but I had a perfect confluence of circumstances. Comparing yours and my circumstances would be like comparing motorcycles to lemonade stands. You have a family, a job, etc. When I was taking the exam, I was in the Master's program, unmarried, and no kids. So yes, I did study my butt off, but I also didn't have to face a lot of the challenges that 80% of the people in this forum have had to overcome. So thank you for giving me credit, but some of the other people's stories on this forum are so much more incredible and inspirational. You're another person that will soon be on the wall of inspiration when you're done with this beast! You have led an incredible journey to this point and I can't wait to see you with those three little letters next to your name!March 18, 2012 at 9:08 pm #334450AnonymousInactive
Your scores are so close to 75! Don't give up now!
If I make a recommendation, take one section at a time that way you can concentrate on it and beat it. If you don't pass, stop whatever section you're studying and go back to study and prep to retake the last exam again. Your odds of passing I think are better this way as the material is still fresh in your head.
Don't give up! Do this for your baby! Make him or her proud!March 18, 2012 at 10:17 pm #334451
Thank you for giving me such great support and encouragement. I got the “tingles” reading your posts. I can completely relate to the baby analogy because I can remember exactly what went through my head when I was in labor my daughter… I told myself, “Addy, this is no game, there is no turning back, push as hard as you can!!!!” And it freakin hurt like heck!!!! There was no other way to go than forward…
I'm going to give myself the rest of today to collect myself, and give it a go tomorrow at the library. I have auditing scheduled in 2 weeks – April 2.
REG PassedMarch 18, 2012 at 11:53 pm #334452kmwgraceMember
greeneyes – I want to encourage you to keep going too. I'm a wife and a mom and I'm finally finishing a Master's program, and I'm scheduling the exam for July/Aug and Oct. I completely agree with what Kricket said about having faith and trusting God, although I don't know where you are from that perspective. Prayer is the first thing I thought of when I read about your anxiety attacks. I've had those too and they are NO FUN. Prayer, focused deep breathing, and holding my husband's hand (if we're physically together) or talking to him on the phone (if we're not) are all things that have helped me. If you have a church family, you can ask them to pray for you too. Just knowing that I have friends who are praying for me through this process (and everything else I face in life) is very encouraging and helpful.
I also agree that if the anxiety attacks continue, counseling might be a good idea. Or you can just vent your frustration on here, that's kind of like therapy, right? 😉 Hang in there, we're on your side walking through this exam with you.
~ Kate... MTX!
CPA exam on hold while I homeschool my 6 year old!March 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm #334453jomarieParticipant
You go for it greeneyes!! I couldn't say it any better than anyone else. When I feel like you do, I take the day to recoupe and go right back at it the next day. You can do it. I'm sitting for BEC on April 2nd as well. We will do it together!!!
Started sitting in May 2002, on and off. But since 2008 I've been nonstop and my scores are....
AUD - 39, 48, 56, 65, 68, 73, 76!!! (Finally passed in Oct 2011!!!) Becker, NINJA, & Wiley
REG - 75 (Lost Credit) 72, 68, 73, 75 (Passed again in Aug 2011) Becker, NINJA, & Wiley
FAR - 65, 68, 75 (Lost Credit) 68, 73, 73, 80 (Passed again in May 2012) Roger, NINJA, & Wiley
BEC - 65, 68, 71, 72, 72, 71, 76 (Lost Credit)- 70, 76!!!! I AM DONE!!! - Roger, NINJA, & Wiley
After 10 long years of studying, I AM DONE!!!! Finally a Licensed CPA in the State of New York!!March 19, 2012 at 1:19 am #334454jokamiMember
I don't know what to say…. You lost a two month old baby!!!!! When I had my daughter, almost two years now, I wished every day for her to go to sleep and never wake up! I knew something was wrong but I didn't, better yet I didn't dare to talk to anyone because I was afraid that everyone would judge me. Although the crying every second of the day, was a major sign they knew something was wrong, but not how bad it was. During that time, those first month, a coworker from my former job gave me the book “Down came the Rain” by Brooke Shields. Although her story on how to become pregnant and giving birth is the complete opposite as mine, her story after she had the baby is identical! They way she felt for the baby and when people visited… Still to this day brings tears to my eyes and asks for forgiveness every day. I now know and accept, in spite of the fact that I am still dealing with it, that it is something you can't control you just have to learn how to manage it. It is a process… I could ‘t relate more with your word; God could not have blessed me toS with a better child. Beatiful, smart, happy, loving, and ridiculously cute! As you also said, whatever is in store for her, I just hope and pray to have a lot of years in me to see it and to let her know that I love her!
I respect you so much for your kind words… I know they weren't for me… But still they inspire me and admire you to respect others circumstances which makes me admire you even more! I believe everyone can pass this test in their first attempt… The only thing is that not many of us knows how to study or better yet study as if it were a test for high school and hit a great wall when we come to realize that it is not that kind of test. Then and only then is when frustration hits and looking for different alternatives on how to study, I think, is the mayor issue. Because, once you “crack” the system… Those three little letters are going to be next to your name for the rest of your life!
As you can see, all of us have our own story and this experience is deferent to everyone… Although we all can share that there are good days and there are bad days. I find this forum inspirational and here you find heroes like: @keeptrying, @peanut, @kayla86, @kricket, and so many others to share their story and make us toil even harder to finally complete this journey. I hope you can relate and get back on track. I want you to know, although I am kind of new here, you have our support, even if it is to stalk you on how far you got in your study. We will give you that extra push so that you finish this burdensome journey. Just hang in there, study, and know that you will finish this!
B - 62, 70, 72, 79!!!
A - 68, 81
R - 70, 82
F - 84
"The limit to your abilities is where you place them" - Fortune CookiesMarch 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm #334455Veronica75Member
I like the new and improved, sweet version of BaseballCPA. Just sayin. 🙂
FAR - 79 (2x)
AUD - 81 (expired), 77!
REG - 74! omg (3x) 87!!!!!!! I'm done! OMG!
BEC - 81 (4x)March 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm #334456AnonymousInactive
@greeneysCPA. You might want to take a week or two away from studying and give yourself a break. It sounds you are stressed out or tired. The key of studying is efficiency. Sometimes if things do not stick with you, they just don't. Don't force it. Give your brain a little bit break and eventually it will sort things out itself. I can related to you about hitting the wall. There were time I forced myself to study after hours of sitting at the libarary. and I couldn't take it anymore, at the end I was just reading the material without learning it. That is no point for me to keep studying after that, otherwise it's waste of time. Another note: We have trying to pass one of the most difficult certificate exams in the U.S. while many degreed accountants are too intiminated to attempt. It doesn't matter you pass or fail, we all deserve a little break and reward ourselves.March 19, 2012 at 4:09 pm #334457heatmiserMember
Every CPA/candidate hits the proverbial “wall”. Now that you have hit it, you can recognize you are in the elite company. The only thing that is left is keep going, knowing you are getting close to joining an elite group of individuals.
Note: It is imperative to reward yourself for your studying. Take a day or 2 off. Go hiking, ride a bike, do something that let's you forget the exam for a little while. When you get back to studying, you will want to do that activity again, and you will study harder to try and get it. This worked for me.
Best of luck, and welcome, you are almost there. Push through, you will be happy you did.
2011 CPA Exam GraduateMarch 19, 2012 at 4:18 pm #334458
Reading all your posts is therapeutic, thank you again.
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