[Rocky123]

How do you let a man know what he could lose (me) without shoving it in his face? How do I do it subtly?

No jokes, Skynet.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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[Anonymous]

Rocky, you might find it interesting to look up Asperger's Syndrome and see if it sounds at all like your boyfriend, and if so if you can learn anything to help you understand him better from reading about it. Some of his behaviors – like his analyzing his feelings for awhile and coming to a conclusion – sounds like how many people with Asperger's approach relationships. I have been lucky to date an Aspie myself, so I'm not implying anything negative in suggesting that you look it up – his Asperger's has honestly enriched our relationship and neither of us would change it. However, there's still times that he does things that perplex me, and then I'll read some article related to Asperger's and I'll go “Oooohhh, that's why”. Many Aspies are slower to say things like “I love you”, because they tend to approach things very intellectually and feel the need to assess their feelings and ensure that these feelings are “love” and not just “affection”, “endearment”, etc., before saying they love someone – they have to be 100% sure they do love you, not just have strong feelings, before saying it…whereas most neurotypicals (non-Aspies) are more prone to say they love someone because they have butterflies even if they haven't thought about whether they truly feel a strong feeling. Of course there's a range between these extremes, too.

There's a wide range of people with Aspergers, so your boyfriend could be mildly Aspie and have some of the characteristics (like hesitance to say those three little words), while not having the more autistic-like symptoms. A lot of older (aka not currently in grade school) people have undiagnosed Aspergers, so it's fully possible that he could be Aspie and not know himself. We “discovered” that my partner was because we started looking up some work issues he had, then randomly came across some info about Aspies and the puzzle pieces started falling together. Now we both understand him better than we did before. Of course just cause my man is Aspie doesn't mean yours is, but some things sounded similar, so I thought it was worth mentioning.

[Anonymous]

I hate to be the person to bring the biological aspect up, but hes in his 40's and your 39. You are both very old and definitely not at the prime age for having babies anymore (young 20s is biologically best). We all know about women having problems as their eggs age, increasing the likelihood of problems, but age affects men as well. Mainly, as men age, the body actually gets worse and worse at copying DNA to the sperm. This increases the likelihood of all kinds of “errors” because there are missing batches of code. Supposedly it can also effect how your kids look. There have been studies done that show people with older fathers are usually less aesthetically pleasing (facially) then those with younger fathers. Maybe none of this matters to you but just something to keep in mind. It might be for the best not to have kids.

But if you really want them, maybe you could adopt or go to a sperm bank? Maybe he has some youngsters frozen away somewhere?

And what the heck I always thought you were a guy…

Anyways, good luck.

[Anonymous]

@cprv19 so….. 40's and 39 is “very old”?? haha I'm in my 20's, but come in I don't think that age is very old.

[Anonymous]

But I see your point on having children that late.

[Missbots]

I Dnt think late 30's and early 40's are very old….

[san4596]

For the Men in the room, the age for having children is different for men. Let's face it, most men can have children at any time without any problems. However, the WOMAN is the one who's body goes through a miraculous transformation to give life. Needless to say, women have a biological clock ticking down, and eventually time runs out for them to be physically capable to have children. The clock reaches 0:00 for most women between 35 and 40, and the risk is usually pretty high.

I am not saying that 35-40 is old, but the possibility for a woman to have children at that age drastically declines at this age for most women.

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[Anonymous]

@DunkinDonutsJunkie very old in terms of having kids.

@san4596 you're missing the point completely…yes older men can still have them easily but the the kids they do have are more likely to have genetic mutations (as I explained earlier due to faulty DNA transcription).

And yes as women get older they can have complications having the baby but women actually copy the all the same genes to the baby regardless of age.

Its a myth that only the age of the woman affects the baby.

[Rocky123]

I'm officially depressed. Yes, I am lucky to have 2 children. However, since I am divorced, I share a good portion of their time with my ex. I divorced when they were basically toddlers and I will never get that time back.

I somehow need to accept that this is most likely what the rest of my life will be like. I blew it. I should have started to look for a serious match a lot sooner. My own fault.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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[howmany74s]

@Rocky123 – If you have the financial resources:

https://uscfertility.org/fertility-preservation/egg-freezing-faqs/

I'm planning on making this happen within this year or next year. I am not in your situation but I am not planning to have a child until late 30s or early 40s.

[Rocky123]

I'm not freezing my eggs. I don't have the financial resources to do something like that.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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[Anonymous]

Rocky, if you seriously believe that the rest of your life is going to suck now because you won't have another child you have bigger problems than not having another child.

We all do make our choices and yes, you have made yours. But my goodness, if you could just for one second stop basing your entire life around having another baby you can maybe see other opportunities for happiness.

The one thing that has been very apparent over these past few days is that you are wanting to have another baby to fill some sort of void. You just want to be pregnant come hell or high water because a) your body will start denying that to you soon, and b) because you have to “share” your children with your ex.

Instead how about you find a boyfriend who doesn't suck and actually loves you and treats your wonderfully, find a hobby that you enjoy, get a bad ass CPA job, and make peace with your divorce.

You keep wanting to throw blame at your boyfriend because he doesn't want to have a baby but I think it completely misses the point which is break up with your boyfriend (seriously!), go out and start this new life as a CPA and then see what life throws at you…you may be pleasantly surprised. Regardless though, at the end of the day we all make our own happiness (which I will freely admit is something I struggle with on a constant basis).

I wish you all the peace in the world and hope that you can find a way to work through all of this. Start taking charge though! You are in control of your own life. You are woman….roar!

[Anonymous]

Heres a quote that was posted by Allergic2CPA in another thread but not sure if you saw it. I think it helps put things in perspective.

This farmer had only one horse, and one day the horse ran away. The neighbors came to condole over his terrible loss. The farmer said, “What makes you think it is so terrible?”

A month later, the horse came home–this time bringing with her two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors became excited at the farmer's good fortune. Such lovely strong horses! The farmer said, “What makes you think this is good fortune?”

The farmer's son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbors were very distressed. Such bad luck! The farmer said, “What makes you think it is bad?”

A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer's son, because he had a broken leg, remained. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. “What makes you think this is good?” said the farmer.

As told by Executive editor, Elise Hancock, in theJohns Hopkins Magazine, November 1993, page 2, in section entitled Editor's Note.

[Rocky123]

I don't understand what this parable has to do with my situation….?

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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[Rocky123]

@brooks

Why does my boyfriend suck? We are still getting to know each other after the exam and he cares for my children. He's put up and accepted my faults. And my faults are not small. He hasn't run.

Just trying to understand your view point. Thanks.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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[Anonymous]

@rocky nothing and everything

what you make of it is up to u 😉

[Author]

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