[Rocky123]

How do you let a man know what he could lose (me) without shoving it in his face? How do I do it subtly?

No jokes, Skynet.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[Rocky123]

@tomq04

No. I don't. I guess the whole moving in togther is moot. As is having a baby.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[mla1169]

Well I'll tell you what I would tell my own best friend or sister, and you probably won't like it. You're now trying to shape 5 peoples lives around what you want (you, your 2 kids, BF and potential 3rd child) and when you want it. Don't think for a minute that just because your kids like visiting his place occasionally (more regularly in the last 3 months) that its safe to assume that they will accept him as a stepfather and the father of their sibling. Thats a discussion that needs to happen. And one of your objections to the sperm bank idea is being financially capable of supporting 3 children as a single parent, which is always a possibility even if you marry this guy. (NOT implying anything about the relationship but hey we're getting older and at our age have to also consider sickness, death, etc as a real possibility while our kids are young.)

Not trying to be a debbie downer but you're setting yourself up for what could either be the greatest thing to ever happen to you or something that could turn your whole world upside down as a single parent of teens and a toddler. You have to be mentally prepared for both scenarios to TRULY be ready to enter into this.

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[Anonymous]

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[scarecrow]

I find it puzzling how some people on here are saying you need to be considerate of your ex. That's outrageous, he is your past and you owe him nothing. Being considerate of the custody arrangement you share is the only thing you might want to continue doing. Whether or not you have another child is not his decision, period. You have this notion that family consists of a man & woman. Family is what you make it. Above all it is a group of people that love each other. The perception that a family doesn't exist without a man is an archaic ideal that is disappearing.

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[mla1169]

Scarecrow I never even implied she had to be considerate of her ex. I said she needs to consider the effect on her children of her ex's reaction to the arrangement. The effect even a ripple effect on a child should be the first consideration.

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[Determined CPA]

Rocky – sad to hear this is happening to you =(

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't appreciate you anyway? You deserve the best!

A - 75
B - 78 God is good.
F - 77 Answered prayers.
R - 84! Done!!

Paperwork sent - waiting for license!!
Still on a cloud and in shock. Through God, all things will happen.

[scarecrow]

Her children are teenagers. When my kids are in their teens, I won't be consulting them about my decision to have more children. By that point, they should be emotionally stable enough to handle the “burden” of a new addition. If not, then they have issues.

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[mla1169]

When did 8 and 10 become teenagers? Scarecrow I'm guessing that you're not a parent. Let me know when you've been parenting 21+ years and we can revisit your theories and opinions.

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[scarecrow]

This is what happens when you skim. Either way, I'm not letting children make life decisions for me. They're along for the ride. By all means, let them control your life and see where it gets you. You will spend your life asking your kids if the decisions you make are ok. That's not the way to go about it.

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[Rocky123]

I told him that I didn't want to have a baby with someone that doesn't love me.

His response, “I have a great deal of feelings for you. I am trying to understand them all. I am coming ot the conclusion that I do love you and want to be with you.”

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[mla1169]

Oh scarecrow, you don't get it yet, nor should you if you're not a parent. Its not about letting the kids make the decisions FOR you, and its certainly not about asking their permission. I've done pretty well raising my kids, and was a single mother for quite a while so I'll explain this in a way you might understand.

As a parent, and especially when you have 2-3 kids, you can't just assume that your kids will behave a certain way, or do certain things. You can be the strictest parent in the world, and your 15 year old daughter still gets pregnant. It happens. You can practically ignore your kid and he ends up valedictorian, parents don't control their kids 100%, ever.

So while its not up to Rocky's kids whether she has a baby, or moves in with someone, Rocky is the one who will have to deal with the three kids if they act out, or become withdrawn or depressed, or if they are over the moon about it, and excel and go to Harvard someday. Its not about letting kids control me, its about knowing that you have considered all of the outcomes you might face. And such a decision ABSOLUTELY affects their life, so they should get to say their peace even if they don't dictate the outcome.

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[scarecrow]

You said it yourself., “Its not about letting kids control me, its about knowing that you have considered all of the outcomes you might face.” You are exactly right. YOU consider all the outcomes. YOU make the decision. Not your 8-10 year olds, not your teenagers. Age doesn't matter. It is about you. The decisions you make will ultimately affect your children, and that is something you will have to live with.

What you shouldn't be doing is consulting CHILDREN about your life. Give me a break. Kids don't get to speak their peace, because they don't have the emotional capacity to make adult decisions. Preach all you want about doing the right thing by your children mla, but your argument is flawed.

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[mla1169]

How many kids do you have again, and how old are they?

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[Rocky123]

I will say this. I would NEVER put my children in a situation where they felt unwanted.

The tallest oak in the forest was once just a little nut that held its ground.

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Rocky123, CPA

[scarecrow]

It's irrelevant. There are the types of people that do, and those that ask what to do. It's the concept of leader and follower, and nothing more. When you are old, do you want to look back and wonder what could have been? You don't want to spend your life second-guessing the decisions you did or did not make. I want to look back and say I did it my way, no regrets.

“Oh, I wanted another kid, but my other kids said it would hurt their feelings so I just let it go.” It's a ridiculous concept.

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[Author]

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