tomq04 – what do you mean the logic behind this thread breaks your heart? I wonder if you disagree with the majority of comments recommending she leave him?
IMO – I believe too many people give up on marriage way too easily, even if things have been hard for a long time. I would suggest that Flagler streamline her life as much as possible to work on the marriage. Believe me, I am NOT taking husband's side. His behavior is unacceptable, but we all act out in immature ways when we don't know how to handle a situation. The couple needs to address why he's acting this way, so it can be changed. Even if this has happened before, they obviously never got to the bottom of it cuz he's doing it again.
Create time for counseling. If the CPA exams need to get put on hold for a while, then that might be what's necessary. I realize it would be extremely hard to put that on hold, especially after passing FAR, but priorities are very important in marriage. That's part of what makes it so challenging to begin with.
Learn as much about marriage through books and videos as possible. Sounds like the husband is craving attention and doesn't have the discipline to know how and where to get it.
He needs to communicate with his wife about how to get his needs met even while things in life are busy. And she can help too by asking specifically what would help him feel important like phone calls throughout the day, weekly date night, etc.
I know it feels impossible, but anything is possible when we ask God for help.
He might also be feeling insecure about his own career, if he sees her making progress in hers.?? Who knows what the issue is, but the real cause is beneath the surface which has nothing to do with the ex-girlfriend. She just happened to be the one that he turned to.
Pray hard
and read anything by John Gottman, Sue Johnson, also “Emotional Safety” by Don Catherall.
Learn about shame in marriage, which is basically just an insecurity and how it causes people (especially men) to react to situations. When I say “especially men”, I'm not bashing. It's just that women are more sensitive about some topics and men are more sensitive about other topics.
You might be able to make a lot of progress in a short amount of time with a marriage intensive –
https://www.marriagetoday.com/resources/marriage-intensives/
Good Christian marriage videos are here – MarriageToday.com – go to “television”, “latest videos” and scroll down. there are several pages of choices.
You can look up counselors in your area here – https://www.iceeft.com/index.php/find-a-therapist
They use a counseling method described in the book “Hold Me Tight”
You can also look for a “family systems” therapist in your area. They focus on patterns in the family of origin and how that affects our behavior as adults.
Get in the “drivers seat” on this issue. There's a lot that you can do. Do not feel helpless.
I recently saw this 6 min. video – https://dranthony.com/recommends/assessment.html
Here's one more – 2 min. – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdAyROIIths
FAR - 86 - 2/27/14
AUD - 75 - 5/29/14
BEC - 80 - 8/31/14
REG - 89 - 2/27/15
Praise Jesus! I'm done!!
Study resources:
Becker
Wiley test bank
.