Rust78,
I am really sorry to hear your situation, it sounds like you have earnestly put forth the effort. You’ve probably received advice previously and anything I say will just be echoing what you’ve been told already. I get that you feel broken… completely understandable. I want you to do me and yourself a favor though, keep pushing and once you achieve this, and you will, it is going to be that much sweeter. Give this everything you’ve got until You take this again, put aside any distractions, make sure you have a great support circle, and let’s get this done. I know you’re going to make it, keep your head up.
Edit: it sounds like you should already have this in the bag, and would pass 7/10 times at least if you were to take it over and over; the mission now to ensure the next one is a pass is to study deeper and try to learn what you don’t know, spend the most time and get cozy in the areas you’re most uncomfortable with. Aim for a 99 on your next go.
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