[Anonymous]

Background:

Last week as I boarded a plane for a two-day training up north, I received a text from my husband that his father had been in an accident and was taken to the ER. It turns out he fell about 6 feet from a scaffolding and pretty much landed on the right, front side of his head. He was in an induced coma for the first week and is now starting to slowly revive. Last night, the doctor we spoke with pretty much referred to his injury as a ‘severe’ brain injury and we already understand that there will be months, possibly years, of rehabilitation. We still don’t quite know the full extent of what he’ll be capable of since he is only starting the return to consciousness.

My husband and I have a 3 year old, we’ve got fulltime daycare for her when we go to our 9-10hr jobs every day; my husband has taken some time off from work at least check up on and visit him every other day. I’ve changed my study location/schedule around my husband’s needs during this time, but we both agree that I should still try to keep my studies up. My husband’s older brother (BIL), on the other hand, is divorced and has a 12 y/o son who he’s responsible for on weekends only. Basically, he’s only got himself to worry about during the week. Their parents are divorced and MIL lives in Michigan.

My issue:

The BIL has been really flaky with regards to saying he’ll visit their dad then tells my husband that he was too tired, so he didn’t visit/speak with doctors. Or my husband keeps trying to communicate with him regardint their father via phone calls and texts and not getting much response. Today, BIL ‘suggested’ that my husband come by his house to have lunch and drive him and his son to the hospital (basically, be their chauffeur). Mind you, we live 43 miles from the hospital, while the BIL only lives 12.5 miles from the hospital (which is in L.A., imagine the added time for traffic). The husband told him ‘no’ since he was anxious to get to the hospital. Earlier today, I asked my husband whether or not the BIL had shown up at the hospital (no response again to calls/texts from husband), and he said he heard from BIL at around 4PM, said BIL forgot his phone when he went to lunch, THEN FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH when he got back. My husband is at his wits end dealing with all this stuff and his self-centered brother is pretty much bailing on him. They’ve never been truly close, since BIL’s a selfish ass and they have different personalities, but can’t the guy frickin’ man up?!?

While heading home from the hospital last night around 11:30PM, I suggested to my husband that he speak with their mom, who he’s got a great relationship with, regarding the BIL’s actions (or lack thereof), that she might possibly have some insight into what’s going on with him and how to deal with him. After finding out about his most recent flake, I now want to just call MIL up myself (we’ve got an okay relationship) and let her know what’s going on. Should I get involved? Should I wait for my husband to call his mom and get her advice?

I am just so pissed off right now, needed to vent.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if your BIL is having trouble dealing with the severity of his dad's injury and is flaking out because of that. if you have a good relationship with MIL and your hubby won't get too upset maybe you should talk to her.

[mla1169]

IMHO, sounds like theres more going on with your BIL than simply “flaking out”. If my hunch is correct, there's nothing anybody can say or do that will snap him out of it. That said, you never mention what your husband's reaction to your suggestion of involving your MIL was. If he said he'd contact her, I'd give him the chance to. If he was opposed to the idea, I certainly wouldn't contact her.

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[neika822]

I agree with @bnrhilton. It sounds like this is how your BIL deals with issues, by just pretending they don't exist. It's certainly unfortunate that it leaves the burden on everyone else. Hopefully he comes around and snaps out of it soon. I'm not sure I would call your MIL, as it's your husband's family. Hopefully your husband will be able to call her and she'll talk some sense into your BIL. I'm sorry all of this is happening to your family! Good luck 🙁

R - *77*(02/'13)-Becker & NINJA
A - 71('11); *87*(04/'13)-Becker & NINJA
F - *76*(08/'13)-Becker & NINJA - "server upgrade" survivor
B - 60('11); *82*(10/'13) -Becker & NINA

DONE, DONE, AND DONE.

CPA in Massachusetts; issued 01/24/14

[Anonymous]

Thanks, guys. My husband has said from the beginning that this seems to be hitting his brother harder but I just feel like they're both in the same boat and should help each other with the situation. I've suggested to the hubby to just do what he needs to do without any expectations from his brother and I think he's going to try that. This way, he won't be disappointed/ frustrated the next time the brother flakes on him. With regards to speaking with their mom, the hubby wasn't opposed to the idea, he just hasn't had much time for an extended phone conversation. As a reminder, I'll ask him in a few days if he's had a chance to speak with her yet. At this point, all I can really do is give my husband the support he needs (and try not to get too upset with the BIL).

Back to FAR review…

[Anonymous]

Am happy to announce that after a little over a month since his accident, my father-in-law continues to get better and actually uttered his first audible word yesterday! 🙂

[Author]

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