[Anonymous]

I went to a great, heavily recruited university where the top accounting firms hire 30%~ graduates from. I’ve always had mediocre grades (3.0~), but a few low accounting grades as well. To be fair to me, I have a medically diagnosed mental issue and it affected me academically (on top of me not slacking off, so I don’t blame it solely on my illness). I’ve went through college never mentioning my mental issue to anyone, and have never gotten special treatment in my classes because I wanted to be a normal student. I’ve never mentioned my mental illness to any employer and have always ticked the “Do I have any disability?” (It is considered a disability) box as “I prefer not to answer”. I’ve done a couple of internships, mostly in private accounting dealing with staff accountant/AP roles.

The only public experience I have is at a Big 4 firm and I did enjoyed my time there. The work was challenging but interesting. During my internship, I did not perform as well as I should due to some family problems and getting used to the work environment. I was not given an offer, as expected, and I did contract staff accountant works after. The funny thing is, I learned way more in my four months there than I did in a lot of my roles and I want to go back.

I am mentally exhausted and discouraged at this point. My GPA is low and I already graduated. I’ve tried reapplying to a few mid-tier firms without any luck. Lately, I’ve been feeling helpless and just hated myself for not trying enough. Luckily, I’ve spoken with a counselor from college I trusted a lot and she gave me a lot of encouragement. I wanted to reapply and I know nows the best time to recruit, but I also know I have a very slim chance (especially losing one big 4 offer) compared to all the other really competitive candidates out there. Even if I know that I have real passionate about public accounting, I won’t even get to show that to any interviewer without a chance to interview.

I guess my question is, is it worth to keep trying or should I just accept the next full-time (private firm) opportunity offered to me? I know passing the CPA will help, but I already have a gap on my resume with the contract works and not sure if I want to give this another year. Thank you so much for reading this and feel free to leave any advices for me.

[Cynthia]

Hello,
I'm sorry for everything you are going through. Recruiting, grades, stress, and health problems can really take a toll on us, BUT you have come this far despite all of your struggles and you will get through this. Considering your situation, I would highly recommend keeping your options open. If you have received an offer from smaller firms relating to accounting it may be a great opportunity to rebuild your resume, get more experience, and dedicate time to taking (and passing) the CPA. Before you know it, you'll become a CPA with more experience on your resume which will greatly increase your chances in getting a Big 4 offer. Everything happens for a reason and there is a timing for everything so keep pushing forward by keeping your options open with smaller firms and building yourself up there. However, if you are recruiting this season for the bigger firms, I definitely wish you the best of luck and really hope you get an offer. Best wishes!

Also, please know there is help out there if you are having suicidal thoughts.
You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It's available 24 hours everyday.

[cpa1234]

I was in a similar (recruitment wise) situation as you. During my undergrad I did not study as much as others. I was getting around a 3.1-3.2 GPA consistently. All my fault though, I was embracing the “college experience” and a lot of my friends were in much easier majors so they slacked off a lot too. I did my masters at the same school cause I knew I would get in. But I studied my ass off and did a lot better during that year. When recruitment time came in the first two months of my masters, I still had that crappy GPA from my undergrad plastered on my resume. Not to mention I was trying to apply for jobs across the state (where I was from), and I was competing with kids who went to colleges in that area who did well, or even who were average like me. I applied to probably 100 jobs, not even kidding. I was rejected from all of them except 5 I got calls from. Only two invited me for second interviews, 1 was private and 1 was public. The private job required me to show up for a TWO DAY interview with a hundred other applicants for a rotational program doing accounting internally for a major company. And after all that effort I got the rejection a week later. I called my mom after the rotational private job rejection to cry that I am not getting a job and what am I gonna do I have nothing, etc. But 1 hour after that rejection I got an offer from a regional public firm (while on the phone with my mom still) in a completely different state and it was actually comparable in salary and quality of experience as some of the jobs my more studious friends got. I worked my ass off there and a year later applied for a better job in my dream city and I got it. In my opinion, I would apply to hundreds of jobs just to get my name out there. You didn't mention if you have your 150, so if you don't, and you are going for a CPA, I would apply to a masters program starting next summer or fall. Hopefully you can get in somewhere and you can take the time until then to work some smaller private job and work on strategies to get yourself through the program – and tell them about your mental health concerns! You have so many options, you just needs to prioritize your needs and wants first. If I were in your shoes I would list the pros and cons of the private job, apply to as many public jobs right now as you can, make a list of things you want in a job just to get it on paper, and maybe start studying for the CPA with a cheaper study program with your spare time as you wait for an offer.

[Mike J]

@ConcernedStudent
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

I understand how defeated you must be feeling. You are not alone. It is perfectly natural to have these “Ohh F it!” thoughts after your rejections and struggles with the exams.

I didn't want to hear this after I learned of a failure–I did not pass the first time for any exam. But, it's okay to just take a break. Take a week to catch your breath. Take a day. Just do something fun for awhile to get your bearings again.

You matter.

A job or exam does not. There will always be another opportunity. I trust you are putting in the work so when something does come along you will be ready and knock it out of the park.

Thank you again for your courage to share your thoughts. You're not alone.

[YouCanDoIt]

ConcernedStudent, sorry to hear how down you are feeling, but you know what? You have to tell yourself that in the bigger picture of things, it is not end of the world. The opportunities do not end HERE. So what, if you have a gap, take what comes, and go with it. Not everyone is going to have a typical same journey of get out of college, get a dream job, etc. etc. Priority should always be your well being, your health, everything else is secondary. Please look out for yourself and take care of yourself.

FAR: 76
REG: Currently studying
AUD:
BEC:

[FutureCPA]

Concern student, find comfort in knowing many people have felt like you have. People have messed up opportunity before and they have also failed but they have also gotten up. If I were you I would look into ways of explaining why you did not get an offer. Ways that don't sound like a negative situation. Maybe explain that you were in another stage in your life and you have learned from that experience. Also, smiling during your interviews goes a long way.
Growing up can be hard, adapting to corporate America can slap you in the face but you must learn from your experience and keep on moving. The fact that you got an internship at a big four is a lot more than a lot of people can say. Count your wins too.
I and many others who read your story, will be cheering for you.

I need to pass before busy season.

[fsugirl2005]

I've been where you are. I highly recommend speaking with a psychiatrist or your healthcare provider. I was prescribed Prozac in college but didn't take it because I thought taking those pills made me weak. Boy was I wrong and I let almost 15 years pass without proper treatment. I got help this year and it has made a difference in my work performance, family life, and my focus. I'm finally able to sit down and study for the exams. It is nice now to wake up everyday in good spirits. It took a few months for my brain chemicals to balance out but I am so thankful.

OP, please see someone because I can promise no matter what you do, every area of your life will suffer. I am speaking from experience. Mental health issues is not something you can just shake off, especially if it's a chemical imbalance.

Be blessed and I hope you make it through.

AUD - 10/21/16 (75----07/2010 expired)
FAR - 10/28/16
BEC - 11/2016
REG - 01/2017

Using Gleim CPA Review, Ninja Audio, Ninja Book

[lurking_CPA]

Concerned Student:
Hopefully I'm not giving myself up but I sincerely want to help you. I totally screwed up in college. I got disqualified from my first university and had to go to a community college to transfer to another. My crappy GPA followed me. I went through some personal issues at my transfer university but managed to squeak out graduating with a 2.4 GPA. It was also the peak of the USA subprime mortgage recession so I did not have even a job offer. I squeaked by with some temp contract jobs until I got a big break by getting hired by a local CPA. I've had gaps in my resume too between jobs.
I have my CPA today and I make pretty good money equivalent to senior manager in public accounting. This career I think is one of the better meritocracy careers out there since at a certain level you can really tell if somebody has the chops or if they will spent the next 20 years of their career as journal entry pounding glorified senior accountant. The CPA license allowed me to cover all my GPA warts. If I was in academia or needed a master's degree it might not be so pretty. I'm thankful everyday about that. Take care of your health and mental health too. This career also is not a sprint, it's a marathon. I have outpaced many of my public accounting colleagues in career progression and compensation over time. Just keep a positive attitude and you can achieve great things. Bumps in the road happen. You will persevere.

[fsugirl2005]

@Lurking_CPA I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggled in college because I seriously thought I was alone and it was embarrassing. I too squeaked by on temp jobs because my undergrad GPA was so bad. A few doors opened for me and I was able to get where I am now. I make a great salary working from home for a public accounting firm and taking care of my special needs child. It's been tough but through lots of prayer and faith, I made it.

@concernedstudent – All hope is not lost. Get some help now!

AUD - 10/21/16 (75----07/2010 expired)
FAR - 10/28/16
BEC - 11/2016
REG - 01/2017

Using Gleim CPA Review, Ninja Audio, Ninja Book

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much, Lurking_CPA.
Looking at your testing results, I'm really impressed by your motivation and persistence and seems like you've passed all your exams.

Congrats and your words really touched me a lot!

[Anonymous]

@CPA1234 Do you mind if I ask whether you have submitted a cover letter with everything? Where did you mostly look for the positions? I have looked on LinkedIn and everything seems to be 2+ years of actual experience for an entry level position. I would love to PM you if you don't mind.

P.S. Thank you everyone else for all the kind words. I was really depressed and was offline for a whole week but got myself back together and finally opened my laptop again today 🙂 Hopefully it will be a new start for me!

[Cheeks Malone]

Just remember, your self worth is not derived from a job or a set of licensing exams.
These struggles are real, but I hope you don't let them define you as a person. To me, it sounds like you are an intelligent person who also doesn't like to ask for special treatment. That is admirable.
However, sometimes you do need to ask for help, like you did on this message board.
I don't have a magic solution or a simple piece of advice that will solve your problems. I do believe that if you continue to talk to those trusted people around you (or even schedule a therapist session or two), you will find your way out of the struggles you are in.
Manifestation starts with belief in yourself.
Take care, my friend. Continue to talk to people who will support you.

[Nate]

Let me first say, there is nothing wrong with you at all, you seem very smart and to overcome your disability to graduate is huge! Most people don't graduate with an accounting degree, one of the tougher degrees out there, and you've done that. Plus you got a Big 4 internship, most don't even get that, heck I couldn't even get that! You have a lot of potential and you've done some great things, you have reasons to be proud of yourself.

I want to let you know that I relate, I was never suicidal but I reached a very low point in my life at the end of 2015. All in about one week, I suddenly was fired for the second time in my life and it was very unjustified, lost my apartment, falsely accused and kicked out of my Church, and my ex-girlfriend dumped me and said horrible horrible things to me including I'd never be worth marrying to any woman and I'll never be capable of supporting a family. I remember telling my father the night after all of that pretty much happened saying “I wish I was dead right now,” It was low, very low. I then proceeded to take a risk, took an internship at a regional firm in a big city away from home, and I ended up meeting my wife and getting my first offer at a CPA firm. There weren't happy endings as I faced bullies at that firm who continually ridiculed me for being a Christian and for other reasons, heck one guy told me he could steal my wife from me whenever he decides to, he just hasn't decided to yet (which trust me he couldn't), and I was fired there as well, but to my surprise it got better as I then moved to my hometown, got an offer at a way better firm with way better people, get paid way more in a town where the cost of living is way cheaper, achieved my dream of becoming a CPA, and heck even found out last Saturday that my wife is pregnant with our first child. I don't say all this to brag or anything, but I was in a similar position to you and it all worked out for me so I hope it motivates you and helps you feel better about your current situation. I remember all of the contract jobs, crappy temp jobs for crappy bosses that were uneducated and that caused them to have a chip on their shoulder (and also always accused me of lying when I told them basic accounting information, like when evaluating internal controls materiality doesn't matter when errors are discovered), felt like there was no hope and it was worth giving up on. Trust me, if you continue to persist and fight, it will work out for you and you will look back on these tough times and realize how much you grew from them. I ask you to do one thing, to remember these times when you find success, trust me, it's worth remembering.

Is there a way to privately message others on this forum? I thought it'd be cool if we trade e-mails and we can e-mail each other, you can tell me more about your current situation and I can provide you with any support and encouragement that I can.

[zmatin]

Hey kid, look.

I have literally a single A- in my whole Masters program for a 3.98 GPA; I graduated with honors from a top 30 US university for undergrad on scholarship; I even had a job offer from a Big 4 firm in another country until a few months ago.

Guess what? I turn 30 in less than a month, lost my job offer, couldn't get a decent internship, and cycled through multiple dysfunctional relationships and now have to hope on a plane and leave the country with only half of my exams attempted. My point is, you could have done everything right like I did and still screwed up later. So, don't beat yourself up for your past mistakes. You will make plenty. I didn't make your mistakes but I'm betting you're in a much better position than I am now :p

I have thought of killing myself multiple times in the past few months. Particularly when I lost my offer. Twice, I seriously contemplated it. I sacrificed a lot to get my MSc and make myself CPA and Big 4 eligible. But my anxiety and really bad timing has made me screw up multiple times in my lifetime. The one thing though that I am learning to do is to forgive myself for my past mistakes. I too have plenty waiting for me 🙂 As someone else mentioned, life AND careers are a marathon. You need to learn to be gentle with yourself in the process.

I think you have a great shot at trying for Big 4. And even if you don't, your life won't end and it won't be rendered meaningless. There are learning opportunities everywhere! Trust me. And also, have faith. That the pieces will fall into place eventually for what actually works for you, your talents and your personality.

[Author]

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