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Got your attention, but they aren’t quite what you think…
For the past 3 weeks, I’ve been on a low iodine diet. No dairy products at all. Butter? Nope. Cheese? Nope. No soy products. This has only been an issue with my Calcium supplement. It’s soy based so it’s a big fat NO! A lack of calcium and muscles will start to cramp really, really, really bad. Your parathyroid controls calcium and of the four I was born with, only one remains functioning. No egg yolks. Egg white omelets are seriously disgusting without cheese. No chocolate because of the milk in it. No processed or cured meats. That means NO BACON!! And for this southern girl the hardest no-no of all, no seafood. No shrimp. No crawfish. No fish. No packaged food. No canned food unless it’s salt free. No peanut butter unless its homemade with non-iodized or Kosher salt. No sliced bread in a plastic package. I really miss my Bunny Bread. No mustard or mayo, unless it’s homemade. I haven’t figured out mustard yet, but I’m pretty good at making some of the blandest tasting mayo in the world. No IQF meats because they use salt to quick freeze the meat. Fresh chicken isn’t what you think it is. Most of it has a broth solution in it that has, guess what, SALT in it. Nothing that lists salt as an ingredient, because there is no way to know what kind of salt they used in processing. No Red Dye #3. I have no idea what that is in, so I don’t drink or eat anything red, purple or orange. No restaurant food. No drive thru take out. No pizza. No alcohol. Ice, juice, coffee and tea all have to be made with distilled water. Have you ever had a glass of distilled water? It’s gross.
It’s pure hell! But I’ve managed to do it for the second year in a row. I’ve taken my two, massive headache inducing – we don’t ask what’s in it because it will probably kill us faster than the cancer – Thyrogen shots, that send me into hypothyroid hell. That means “Welcome back, Itchy, Twitchy and *itchy, and thanks for making all of my joints feel like they are on fire.”
I’ve turned up the lead lined pill bottle and taken my little $17,000 pill that is basically nuclear fallout, i.e. radioactive iodine 131, and puked for the requisite 3 hours. I’m pretty sure I puked up stuff I ate in high school!
Tomorrow, I go take my four tests; whole body scan, blood test, ultrasound, and head to toe X-ray’s. I’m sure you are wondering why I’m telling everyone this. Well, I used to stress about getting a 75 on an exam. Tomorrow, I’d love to get a big fat ZERO! The AICPA and NASBA have actually gotten nice in the past few years and given candidates a schedule of when scores are going to be released. They may not always be on time, but they are pretty close. Doctors don’t give you a schedule. You get your results when they get good and ready to give them to you and not one minute earlier.
So during the next score release, if everyone is celebrating already and your score still isn’t out, remember there are things worse than score release. But even through all of this, I’d still rather die before I took REG again!
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