[Anonymous]

I’ll try to make this as short as possible but I need some advice. I used to have this coworker who treated me pretty badly. He was sexist, would call me dumb to my manager (my manager told me he did this), and would always try to make me look bad. My manager refused to have me report to him because he was so difficult, so even though his title was “manager”, he didn’t manage anyone. He quit last year and I haven’t heard from him since.

I’m currently on maternity leave and Yesterday I got an email from him asking for a “huge favor”Turns out he needs me to be a reference for him for a job opportunity. I was really confused because there was no confusion about our bad relationship. Then my manager calls me and leaves me a message trying to persuade me to give him a reference. I didn’t call back because I’m on maternity leave and an hour later I got an email from my manager saying that it was his idea for my old coworker to ask me for a reference because this company would like to speak to someone he supervised. I emailed my manager back and said “he didn’t technically supervise me but yes I can give him a reference” because at that point I felt pushed into it. My manager emails me back and says “I know he didn’t supervise you, that’s why we need a huge favor from you”. So they’re asking me to lie.

I feel like this is a weird situation I’m being put in. I don’t feel comfortable lying, I feel weird that my manager is asking me to lie, and I don’t appreciate being pushing into doing this for someone who was so awful to me. However since my manager is pushing me, I feel like I’m going to be punished at work, by the person who oversees my reviews, for not doing this. Help!

[Anonymous]

All I can say is document EVERYTHING. If somehow this comes back to you, you'll have evidence you were forced into this situation.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely DO NOT DO IT. The only thing that matters right now is the health of your baby. Don't let this fool cause you or your baby any more stress!!! Get off this website and tell your manager and tell this guy NO. They are using you because everybody else that he has burned already said NO.

From a father of two.

[jle1028]

Where I work, HR has issued an explicit policy that should an employee be requested to give a professional reference for a coworker, they must decline and refer them to HR who will confirm the individual's employment with the company. In short, don't get yourself put into a position where you or your employer could be held liable for defamation.

REG -- 77 (11/12)
AUD -- 77 (2/13)
BEC -- 89 (4/13)
FAR -- 91 (10/13)

Roger CPA, Wiley

[sdguy]

I think they're trying to get this guy hired somewhere else so they can get him off unemployment. As you know, the former employer pays for this.

AUD: 83
FAR: 77
REG: 86
BEC: 86

[Anonymous]

This may have already been said, but here's my thought: if someone pushes me to be a reference, I'll be a reference…but I'll be 100% honest. “Did you work with Claude?” “Yes.” “Was he pleasant to work with?” “No.” Etc. etc. Don't ask me to be a reference unless I liked you, and if you do list me as one, expect me to tell the truth.

[Anonymous]

Someone else wrote this above, and its true for ALL the companies Ive worked for: HR policy is to not give responses other than was he employede by your comoany and the dates, payrates, ect.. For subjective questions such as “Was he a good worker, ect.. They always answer “Cant reply due to company policy”.

I would ask your boss to have they guy call you to discuss if you felt uncomfortable telling your boss no. Then tell the guy no directly if thats your decision.

[Author]

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