[IwannabeaCPA2017]

Hey all,
Just wanna quickly ask a question.. So the inevitable happened although I was hoping it could be later. My grandma just passed a week ago and her funeral/services just wrapped up. I did call my state board and told them if I could extend my exam score for BEC but they told me to send them documentations and they will consider. I was wondering if there is any way to phrase it.

Here is what I am planning on writing:

Dear “so and so”
I am writing to request for an extension for my BEC credit. I was a caregiver to my grandma (I took her to the doctors and provide the necessary needs as she had experienced incontinence). Given how much time commitment it is needed to provide care for an elder it did affect my studies for my “x section of the CPA”. My grandma passed away on “date,” enclosed is the death certificate. I hope under this circumstance my credit may be in consideration for an extension.

Thank you.

Note: I really hate to use this as an excuse but tbh I wasn’t only caring for my grandma but for my aunt (who’s paralyzed)- not saying any of this for sympathy/pity but goes to show life doesn’t stop for these exams.
Im sure there are others who have it much worse..I appreciate all responses.

Thanks!

Should I send this email out now or wait until score release next week?

[turo9992000]

Looks good, a coworker of mine got an extension from CA because he had kidney surgery.

[Jen-J]

I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother.

I would wait until after score release. It's less than a week away, and if you passed then it won't be necessary.

[IwannabeaCPA2017]

Thanks guys. Yea, I hope I dont have to use this excuse or study anymore. Im feeling super empty now and not sure if my head is even in the game anymore. Given tax season is around the corner it makes things much worse.

Onto my next question- how do you guys cope with a relative passing, especially a close bond one. I have lived with my grandma for the past 25 years of my life and not being able to see her after school/work is very different and not sure how long it will take me to adjust. It seems like I lost a part of my existence or something.

[COVER U CPA]

First of all, I am sorry for your loss.

I personally would send the email out ASAP. This way, they will Receive it regardless if you fail or pass, and will not think the only reason you are using it as an excuse if you fail. The sooner they hear from you the better IMO.

[Ne’O]

IwannabeaCPA2017,

You don't get it back. We buried my lifetime best friend, closer to me than any family, and let his wife of one year cry on my shoulder.
I spent the next year smoking cigars, going for long walks in the evening, and drinking to get to sleep.
Obviously- don't do that. Be on guard against yourself, or you'll make particularly poor decisions during that first ‘after' year.

For a long time, a piece of you feels missing. It gets better, but if you look in that personal place, you will fill empty.
You have to overgrow it with life-> forwards.

I've had the bad luck to bury too many friends and family before middle age, and we live a long time in my family. Last year while studying for AUD, it was my grandfather that passed.
I was almost as close to him as my friend. Dwell on whatever shred of positive you can. At times, it may seem there are none.
At its worst, any day that doesn't kill you is a good day. Go from there.

Joe Biden once spoke on the loss of his first wife and daughter in a car wreck in 1972, and it resonated deeply with me.
In your case, be thankful that you had the time that you did and it wasn't sudden. Go from there.

Newbie CPA Candidate

[rb2017]

I'm so sorry – I remember you posting about this before.
Your letter looks good and it sounds promising they'd grant you an extension, but I thought I'd try to help with your second question.

Please, please, please allow yourself to grieve before tax season starts. I lost my mom (BFF) when I was 24 to cancer (also early December). My dad took it really hard (he was laid off and started drinking excessively) so I felt like I was too busy taking care of him to properly grieve myself. Before I knew it, busy season came and I ended up just putting my head down and working. I think it kind of messed up my emotions for a while, but once I finally had my time to break down, I felt much better.

I can't say how many times something happened and I went to call her, only to realize I couldn't anymore, which really sucks. It might sound weird and I don't do it as much anymore, but it made me (and especially my dad) feel better if I would just talk to her out loud about whatever. There have been times where I KNEW some version of her was there – it's something that's really hard to explain unless you've experienced it yourself (this is coming from someone who is not religious or spiritual at all). Know that she is still present and with you.

I also try to do something by myself on Thanksgiving (which might seem selfish). My mom was sent to the hospital on Thanksgiving and never went back home, so I've grown to really dislike that day. I try to do something she would enjoy on that day now – most of the time it's traveling. Try to find something you both enjoyed doing together and keep your tradition alive!

The thing that helped me most was that during the services, hundreds of people showed up – each with their own story to tell about my mom. I'm sure you've heard TONS of great stories about your grandma this past week, and may have learned a few new ones. Seeing how many people truly enjoyed my mom really helped me.

I guess to sum it up is that it takes time. It's been 4 years and I still go through periods where I struggle. Talk with your family about all the crazy things you were shocked to find out about her ;). Or, take some time to yourself if that makes you feel good. Solitude is equally as awesome. And if all else fails, know your A71 community has your back!

[Ne’O]

rb2017 wrote, “It might sound weird and I don't do it as much anymore, but it made me (and especially my dad) feel better if I would just talk to her out loud about whatever.”

I don't find it weird. I hesitated to say that too, to IwannabeaCPA2017.
The beauty of cellphones is you can go for a walk and pretend to talk to the person you lost. I've done it in NYC and Phili.
It has been 15 years, and every now and then I just go out to the dock and talk to him. Imagining his smartass replies sometimes is the cognitive step I need to get on with whatever is bothering.

IwannabeaCPA2017: it works for us. You might feel foolish as hell, but give it a try some time.

Newbie CPA Candidate

[famh110]

First of all, so sorry for your loss. Coping with a loss of loved one is extremely difficult. I lost two of my close uncles last month so I can relate how hard these times can be. Just keep praying for strength and patience, it takes time but God has his ways of making things easier somehow.

Your note sounds good. I would encourage you to send it out sooner than later. Waiting on score release is not necessary.

Best of luck IwannabeaCPA2017!!!

[IwannabeaCPA2017]

Hey guys, just wanna say Thank you very much for the support. I actually emailed my state board few days ago and never got their response. Should I give them a call on monday and ask whether they got my email, or do nothing? Im sure the email address is right as I obtained it from CPA central directly. I guess I'm a little over worried? Anyone that had emailed them before can give me an answer would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

[Author]

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