[Lost1]

Growing up always had to work since 15 to pay the bills and had all sorts of crappy dead end jobs you can think of. Now I’m (just) a senior at a midsized firm but am proud of how far I have come. I don’t make a lot but this is the most I have ever made for sure. I recently dumped my pieceof$h!+ car and got a nice (used car) one that I’ve always wanted. I always wanted to get married around 30 but now that I am here, and finally able to afford the lifestyle I deserve, I want to enjoy my life a little. I guess my perception of marriage is more like sacrifice, patience, responsibilities, and struggle to be a faithful spouse. Of course having family and all the good things that can come with marriage I understand it’s how you make it. This is my personal struggle having the pressure to get married but I want to stay single just a lil more to squeeze out the remaining fun out before I really have to grow up =)

Public accounting and marriage.. I hear people say all the time they missed all their kids’ recitals and birthdays. Life is too short. I work too many hours as is and am scared of the idea that having another full time job raising kids and being a good husband. Anyone feels this way? If you are married with kids and work in public accounting, how do you do it?

"If you can do it, I can do it better."

[Anonymous]

“It's not as simple as just not get married because I want kids. I grew up without parents and I want my kids to have both parents. That's where my inner conflict starts.”

That right there clarifies where this whole post is coming from. “I don't want to get married, should I get married anyway?” is an easy question. “I don't want to get married, but I want to have kids and have a 2-parent household” is more complicated. That is also, probably, a question way outside the scope of an accounting forum, so I'll just drop it before I get in trouble for any more answers.

If the real question is how to work in accounting and have time to parent kids, then as a non-parent, my ability to give advice is limited…but as someone who strongly values work-life balance, I would suggest considering what other jobs within accounting might have better work-life balance and thereby enable more involvement in kids' lives. For example:

– Would you be open to working in private accounting? You didn't specify in your original post why you want to stay in public; sometimes private has better hours, but could be similar work depending on what private role you assumed.

– What about working in a small(er) public accounting firm? We're audited by a smaller public accounting firm and from what I gather, their hours are much more friendly to family and other obligations. Their clientele is a bit more spread out, so they do a few calendar-year audits, a few fiscal year, etc., to help distribute the work-load. Now my impression could be entirely wrong, but that's what I've gathered from chatting with a couple of the staff. It's still public, but slightly life-friendlier public.

– What about switching to a different wing of public with better hours? I had a friend who was offered a job at a regional public accounting firm with decent hours – I think it was in “Tangible Asset Incentive Services” or something like that. It seems like some of these specialties have better hours, so may be worth investigating.

Like I said, work-life balance is very important to me, so that's some of the things I looked into in order to achieve better balance in my life. I went the private route, then for further balance went to work for a college (NFP and government tend to have better schedules), but there's definitely other options that lead to balance, too.

[Missy]

I don't see anyone “in trouble” for answers Lilla. Just pointing out when someone asks opinions and gets 10 opinions, 9 of them won't suit the original poster.

If I ask a question, I already pretty much know the answer I am looking for and just looking for moral support. If I ask “coffee or tea?”, and 9 people say “‘Coffee, without a doubt” but only one supports my beloved tea it doesn't mean either answer is right or wrong just that I got opinions and asked differently or in a different venue I might have found 10 people who supported tea.

I know plenty of people who never married, never had kids and wouldn't change a thing. Life is too short to do what you are “expected” to do or follow through on an outdated plan just to keep up with the Jones'. But for the people I know who DID marry, they didn't question for a second whether they should or shouldn't. They just did..

Licensed Massachusetts Non Reporting CPA since 2012
Finance/Admin/HR Manager

[JohnWayneIsGod]

Sounds like he has doubts about marriage and is expecting those who are married to give credibility to his doubts. Sure, sometimes we get ‘bored' and we wonder if we married the right person. I mean, just because we are married doesn't mean we stop being human. But it's when those moments become more than passing thoughts is when either the marriage is in serious trouble, or the couple shouldn't get married. As for statistics about divorces, most people who are about to enter into a marriage don't think about that unless they have a lot of assets and have a lot to lose in a divorce. However, most of us go as people of relatively modest means, so the risk involved becomes an afterthought once we become sure about the other person.

All that said, like everyone else I thought the OP was primarily talking about keeping a work-life balance once he got married. That is a challenge for a lot of people, and that is not restricted to accountants. My father wasn't an accountant, but there were three separate one-year stints within a decade where he couldn't even live with us because of his career and/or his ambitions. As a kid, I didn't think much of it as he called often and came home as often as possible, but as an married adult I see that it likely played a part in ruining my parent's marriage. And I keep this fact in mind when moving forward with balancing my own marriage with my career.

FAR - 80

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.

-John Wayne

[Lost1]

@lilla Yes, wanting kids and not wanting to get married in this society is definitely a very complicated issue. I don't expect anyone to have an answer to that question, just wanted to sort of explore the topic with total strangers online. And I thought I posted this in the off topic section.. why do you think you would you get in trouble lol. In regards to your suggestions, I like tax and I like the people I work with. Maybe when I have family and am more desperate for work/life balance I might try to move. But at this point things are going well for me at work and I do not want to break apart something that's working. I guess the real answer is – you can't have everything, gotta pick one.

@mla I find it hard to believe that people who got married just did without questioning it. The whole notion of “if you love this person, you wouldn't have any doubt.” is very romantic but I believe it's naturall for people to have some level of doubts before they make literally the biggest decision of life. I agree, life is too short to do what people expect of me.

@johnwayneisgod

"If you can do it, I can do it better."

[AJG38]

If you want kids and no marriage adopt…..there thousands of kids in foster care and other situations that don't have parents that would love to have them. Also, you could become a big brother/big sister volunteer, or volunteer at a children's hospital. Many options for avoiding marriage and having kids, good luck!

AUD - 91 (4/7/2015)
BEC - 88 (4/29/2015)
FAR - 80 (5/29/2015)
REG - 70 (8/18/2015); 82 (11/08/2015)

Gleim & Ninja Flashcards

[AJG38]

……Also, on the having doubts/etc. discussion, I can remember going through high school (quite naively) and college, and dating different girls, and with all of them when I would think about marriage had this feeling in my gut that they just weren't the one; nothing scientific or societal about it, just didn't feel right committing myself to them forever. Then I met this girl (currently fiance – getting married later this year) and after dating for sometime (currently going on 5.5 years) I new I could and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I had zero reprehension or feelings in my gut otherwise. So in summation its one of those things that you'll most likely find when you are not looking/expecting!

Sincerely,

AJG

AUD - 91 (4/7/2015)
BEC - 88 (4/29/2015)
FAR - 80 (5/29/2015)
REG - 70 (8/18/2015); 82 (11/08/2015)

Gleim & Ninja Flashcards

[Jenny]

I turn 30 in 3 weeks, I celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary in 10 days and I have 1 Child who is almost 4 and I have been in public accounting since 2008. Live your life, things will fall into place. I work long hours during tax season. But I would take off to go to any of my children's events, but I would also go back to the office after if I needed to! I work for a small firm (7-10 people) and my bosses are very family oriented and understand that life trumps that 1120 that is due next week!

Oklahoma Candidate
AUD - Pass (8/14)
FAR - Pass (11/14)
REG - Pass (2/15)
BEC - Pass (11/15)
Ethics Exam - Pass (12/15)

[MTB15]

These are all great posts! Like others have said, do what makes you happy, not what you “think” you should be doing right now. I've been married for 8 years and have a 4 yr. old son. Of course everything has it's ups and downs.

I currently work in public accounting but have recently been pursued by a private firm. The more I see, hear and read I'm not sure why anyone would stay in public for long term. Less money, more hours, tax season in general, the list goes on and on.

Just my .02

[Mamabear]

Many people have doubts before they get married, even if they feel that they are with “the one”. It's not uncommon and it doesn't mean marriage is not for them or that person is not for them.

CPA Exam - Finally DONE (November 2014)
BEC (08/10/13) 80
AUD (08/24/13) 65 (11/13/13) 85
FAR (04/12/14) 81
REG (07/19/14) 69 (11/29/14) 87!!

[Lost1]

@ajg I have actually thought about adopting in the past but that's definitely not for everyone (even more so than marriage imo!). I think part of reason we want kids is the instinct as a human (or mammal or should I say.. any living organism?) to pass down one's genes and legacy. I have a lot of respect for people who adopt kids and raise them with true love. But I want kids that look like me and my spouse (I can go on and on about why I want my own but don't think it's necessary)…. that makes me feel like a selfish human being.. maybe I am. I don't know why I go to all you can eat buffet and don't finish my plate when there are so many people dying of hunger everyday! And thanks for sharing your story because that's really inspiring. Congrats on finding the one man!

"If you can do it, I can do it better."

[Author]

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