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Accountant Joke 1
An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: “This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old”. “Where did you get this exact information?” “I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.”
Accountant Joke 2
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”
Accountant Joke 3
Why do accountants make good lovers? They are great with figures.
Accountant Joke 4
Why accountants don’t read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Accountant Joke 5
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6 2″ tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?” The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it two times.”
Accountant Joke 6
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?” The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
Accountant Joke 7
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: “Debits in the column toward’t he file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window.”
Accountant Joke 8
Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.
Accountant Joke 9
What’s the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Accountant Joke 10
What’s the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.
Accountant Joke 11
Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
Accountant Joke 12
What’s an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.
Accountant Joke 13
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
Accountant Joke 14
What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
Accountant Joke 15
What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
Accountant Joke 16
How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Accountant Joke 17
What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.
Accountant Joke 18
What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
Accountant Joke 19
Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: “…….and ninthly…”
Accountant Joke 20
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don t? Depreciation.
Accountant Joke 21
What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level
Accountant Joke 22
What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost
Accountant Joke 23
When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise
Accountant Joke 24
Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work
Accountant Joke 25
Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.
Accountant Joke 26
Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
Accountant Joke 27
How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take last year?
Accountant Joke 28
Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don’t 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will.
Accountant Joke 29
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?” The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we re looking for.”
Accountant Joke 30
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”
Accountant Joke 31
The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. “This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart.” The patient is pleased. He asks, “What were their jobs?” “One was a teacher and the other was an accountant.” “I ll take the accountant’s heart,” says the patient. “I want one that hasn’t been used.”
Accountant Joke 32
The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him. “How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don’t you?” The young partner is offended. “Of course I know what Ethics is. It’s a county in southern England.”
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