[kambsa]

Hi all,

So the other day my mom invited me to a family dinner with my uncles & aunts. I told her that I could not attend because I have to study and my exam is coming up on May 19th. I am taking BEC and studying 3-4 hours a week, 10-12 on Saturday and Sunday. I probably average about 5 hours of sleep during the week and weekends I try to sleep longer. I haven’t been in contact with my family since I started studying. My mom flipped out on me saying that I am selfish and I only make time for myself, I am intentionally avoiding her, and that I am never there for these events. So then I called my brother for some support and explained to him what mom just said and he says that “When you’re invited to these things you should make time.” I said that I will make time once I pass my exam and right now my focus is passing. All I do is study. He just wasn’t getting it. He was actually at a bar with his co-worker who is a CPA and he says ” What you talking about study all the time I am with my coworker and he is a CPA he passed.” I told him for me it isn’t that easy. Look at how much study I do. We get off the phone and I txt him saying “Ask your coworker how hard he studied for the exam.” His response “He’s young thats how he passed. He did it right after school.” I feel like they don’t get it. Until they see what I go through every single day sitting behind the computer for hours and all day Saturday and Sunday studying so hard they just will never get it. My wife sees it. She has been by my side since I started this journey last September and never once complained that I never spend time with her. This is really messing up my mood and I need to stay focused again. Good luck and study hard all. I have to try and get this off my head before I hit the books again.

AUD - Passed 88
REG - Passed 87
BEC - Passed 78
FAR - Passed 75

[kmwgrace]

Sorry your family isn't being supportive. It's great that your wife is though, she's a keeper! As for your mom, maybe you could schedule a dinner with her or something so she doesn't feel so neglected ? Ya gotta eat, right? I get it, I know the amt of studying involved, but I still make time for my husband & kid. I don't live near my parents so they're not an issue as long as we visit once a year & keep in phone contact. Hey, maybe you could move? Lol j/k – mostly. 😉

Maybe if you & your wife went to dinner & she talked it up, how difficult the exam is and how proud of you she is that you're working so hard…? Hang in there, soon it'll be behind you, then you'll only have this problem during tax season.

~ Kate... MTX!
CPA exam on hold while I homeschool my 6 year old!

[Poohjure]

I got a great piece of advice from one of my college professors.

“You will have your friends and family long after you pass the CPA exam”

In other words, make time to fit them in. It is VERY possible to do all of the things you enjoy with a little planning and time management. I have yet to miss a single Atlanta Braves game this season while still maintaining a full graduate course load, studying 30 hours a week, and having a date night with my wife.

B - 77
A - 72, 74, 74
R - 88
F - 61

[wendy12x12]

At the risk of sounding insensitive, I have to say I don't understand family members who can't cut someone a little slack for work-type things. But I do know how hard and WEIRD (mine in particular) family relations can be!

On the other hand, your AUD and REG scores might indicate you are putting in plenty of study time? I guess I buy into Prof. Hoyle's philosophy at cpareviewforfree dot com (maybe I'm just lazy): anything over a 75 means you worked too hard (or something a little more eloquent and enlightening than that). Of course, the trick is knowing where that 75-point level of study is, but clearly, you should give yourself a little credit! You're doing a great job!!!!! :o)

Good luck. Don't give them rent-free space in your head! Your focus is much too important! :o)

FAR: 11/26 81!! Thank you Prof. Hoyle & cpareviewforfree!
AUD: 2/26 73*, 4/20 66 (AICPA approved free re-do: 8/12--waiting)
BEC: 1/15 82!! Wiley & cpareviewforfree
REG: 5/13 66, 7/22--waiting!
(exclamation points due to the complete surprise of passing)
*(left questions unanswered by accident) :o(

[Hitemup27]

“My wife sees it.”

@kambsa

That's the only person that should really matter. If she's cool, then you're cool. Don't let anybody else slow you down.

A - 93 - 10/25/2011
R - 92 - 1/17/2012
B - 91 - 5/31/2012
F - 93 - 10/1/2012
E - 90 - 11/17/2012

Processing...

[Anonymous]

Family members tend to feel that they want to help you on the journey, and the only way how is to make you still enjoy life.

Just don't be too mad at them.

You could also point out that you are trying to get a CPA to get a better pay, then later you won't have ask to borrow money from them! LOL

Or point out that your discipline in following through on something important is something you learned from your mom, it'll make her feel proud and it makes her think it was her idea that you're doing it this way. She can't argue against a great idea that was hers!

[Anonymous]

I absolutely disagree with you, agree with your Mom….however, I do admire your dedication. I lost my Mother while I was on the CPA journey (right in the middle) over Easter. That's part of the reason I am having a hard time getting back to this exam because I see that I spent time I could have had with her on it.

Taking an hour our two off for the dinner (you don't have to stay the whole time) will not make or break your exam. Go spend time with your Mom, hug her, tell her you love her and thank her for making you what you are today. When she's gone you will miss it.

I'd give back both of my passed parts and this year's salary for an hour with mine to do just the very things that I suggested above. The test will be there when you get back from dinner.

CPAPending

[Anonymous]

@kambsa – I completely know what you are going through. I also see @cpapending's side of this as well. My parents got divorced when I was 18. They hated the sight of each other so it was best that they not be in the same room with one another. There were a lot of reasons for this that I don't want to go into. So every Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, etc, I didn't have one family get together, there were two.

My mom has never been supportive of me, no matter what I was doing. In high school I was in FFA and showed livestock. She hated it. She said it was a waste of money. My dad, on the other hand, was always proud of me and knew that I could do more. He was in FFA and was proud that one of his daughters followed in his footsteps. I have no brothers so I was sort of the son my dad always wanted. He taught me to drive a tractor, bale hay, plant a garden, shoot guns and do all of those things that fathers teach their sons. He understood hard work and always supported me and my endeavors with my animals. The last bull that I raised and showed won Reserve Grand Champion at the State Fair and paid for my first two years of college.

The last conversation I had with my mom went something like this: “I don't know why you are still throwing good money after bad. You haven't passed this test yet and you probably never will. You need to forget about that stupid accounting degree and go back to doing what you know best, being a secretary. You just don't want to come over because you think you are better then everyone else now that you have that stupid degree.” That was almost two years ago. The last conversation I had with my dad was one year and three months ago and went like this: “I know you have to study. You keep it up. You can do anything you put your mind to and I'm proud of you kid.” He died 2 weeks later of COPD.

The Fathers day before he died, he didn't want gifts or cards. He wanted all three of his girls, his six granddaughters and his one grandson to eat dinner at his favorite restaurant. That restaurant happens to be a client of mine so I called ahead and they set us up in a room where we wouldn't be disturbed. Everyone gave him gifts and Hallmark cards thanking him for everything he had done for them. I gave him a card that I made myself thanking him for everything he DIDN'T do for me. He never fixed a flat tire for me. He never killed the coyotes that were after my cows. He never planted the garden. He made me do it. As a kid I thought he was lazy and awful. As an adult I thanked him for making me into the person I am. I'm never stranded on the side of the highway. I know how to shoot and I'm not afraid to shoot something or someone so I'm always safe. I will never go hungry. And most importantly, I'm not afraid of hard work. That day was the first time I saw my dad cry.

It sounds to me like you might want to send a letter to your mom thanking her for teaching you the value of hard work. Don't just pick up the phone and call. Write her a letter and mail it. Judging from your scores and your study habits you are definitely not afraid of hard work. You didn't just pick that up overnight. You got it from her. Maybe she will understand your commitment to this process and to your family's future came from her. Sorry this sounds kind of sappy but I'm also a mom and those are things that I hope my son says to me one day.

[mla1169]

Make a compromise. You can certainly find a little time to spare. However they are being insensitive by flipping out on you and calling you selfish. Thats not how someone who values family acts.

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[Anonymous]

@Kricket…..my Mom died of COPD/Emphysema….technically a heart attack we think because she just went in a matter of 30 seconds and wasn't having any congestive events at the time. But COPD makes the heart work overtime and usually it's some organ failure related to the COPD that gets a person. A terrible way to go….too bad a person whose considering starting to smoke cannot fast forward and see their death.

You sound like good people to me….nothing better than a woman raised in the country who knows how to shoot a gun! 😀

[Herbieherb]

I think you have time to make the dinner…if it was the weekend before your exam yes don't go for sure, .but may 19 is like 3 weeks away.

NEW YORK- DONE

[sbarkerACPA]

@cpapending and kricket your post made me cry…

@kambsa People just don't understand the studying that is necessary. For example I told my Dad I made a 74 he said you will do better next time. When I took it again he said I am sure you will do fine. My sisters told me you are a nerd I am sure you will pass….They don't understand!! If your most productive days are on the weekend I would not sacrifice them but the day you take your exam maybe you should take your mom out to dinner and thank her for being understanding and not being mad for not attending her function.

BEC: 74;81
AUD: 77
REG: 71; 80
FAR: 78
License for CPA----APPROVED
CPA Class of 2013

[nolifecpa]

nobody understands us except us

REG-65,71,74,73,70,74,79
BEC-60's,60's,69,71,76*,78
FAR-67,66,65,79
AUD-54,60's,65,83*,69,80
*expired

DONE

[kambsa]

Thank you for the support all. I read all these posts and learned something from each one. I went to seem my mom Fri night and told her what I am going through and she understands. I asked her what is more important for you mom me passing or going to these dinners? She said passing. I am going to make the effort of calling her few times during the week and seeing her as much as possible.

@kricket – Your post has touched me the most. My parents divorced when I was 8 years old. My mom worked 7 days a week and raised two kids (me and my twin brother) on her own. I got my work ethic from her. I work tirelessly on passing the CPA exam.

Thanks again all!

AUD - Passed 88
REG - Passed 87
BEC - Passed 78
FAR - Passed 75

[Author]

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