[D]

I’ll try to make this short but could REALLY use some input on a very difficult situation.

Aug 2013 I transferred to the audit dept at my company. Coming in, I knew my boss’ intent was to make me the supervisor of our group. He had myself, another lady who’s at the company 40+ years, and 4 new college grads directly reporting to him, and he wanted to change the structure to where they all report to me and I report to him.

With one stipulation, he kept saying I want you to be the next Betty (name changed) and learn everything she knows before she retires which could be any year now.(I couldn’t stand him saying that, but I brushed it off as him just emphasizing he wants me to learn from her.) She has more than enough $$$ to retire and is 62, however just wants to keep working…

Betty and I get along for the most part, and even when she treats me like cr** in front of everyone, I still act professional and try to brush it off because I don’t want any workplace drama…

My boss has worked with Betty for the past 7 yrs- he came into our company as an audit director from another company. Because of how much she knows about our company and how long she’s been there, he’s relied a ton on her for his success and she knows this.. and she knows how “valuable” she is, and is very cocky about it.

Betty is knowledgeable, no doubt. She’s been in many management positions in her earlier years, but has decided to “retire on the job” and take a low-level job with the same pay. That said, she is very overbearing and can’t let go of the spotlight and the need to be in charge. She is very loud, always right.

Lately she keeps saying “I just tell it like it is, and I know that’s not the popular thing around here lately”… and my boss made mention that she is just very “direct”, but the truth is about 1/2 the time she is direct, the other 1/2 she is condescending and demeaning to people and can NEVER be wrong.

Jan 2014 I was promoted to supervisor of our group w/1 stipulation. Betty still reports to my boss, everyone else reports to me.

He tells me that he wants me to indirectly act as her supervisor and hints that the reason she doesn’t directly report to me is because of obvious factors (i.e. she wouldn’t take it well, and he’s a people pleaser and needs her around so he wouldn’t want to make her mad by making someone > 1/2 her age her boss). Workload of our group is still the same, I’m just now managing 4 people and indirectly managing 1.. and reporting to him.

Lately work has been miserable because of her, and yesterday was the worst. I love where I work but this was the first time in 4+ yrs I’ve cried behind closed doors out of utter frustration.

She points out things we need to go “chase after” and it always ends up being me having to do it. Right now I’m drowning in work, and I know she’s over in her cube filing her nails. I come in at 7am and usually don’t leave until 5pm. Everyday she strolls in no earlier than 9:30, and rarely stays past 4.

She calls me out in front of my employees and frequently gives me pushback 99% of the time when she’s blaming me for something or questioning why I did something, it ends up being for a perfectly fine reason and nothing ends up being wrong. But she won’t ever apologize or acknowledge she jumped to conclusions too fast.

I can tell it makes my employees uncomfortable the way she talks to me. I stick up for them if she ever makes comments to them about their audit work, and when she has called me out I defend myself in a professional manner, reminding her that a lot of the things she’s questioning me about were things “WE” worked on together and agreed that was the way it needed to be.

I feel embarrassed for not completely telling her off sometimes with how rude she is, because I feel like I’m being a pushover, however I’m just trying to remain the bigger person.

How do I approach this? The times she’s not on her high horse needing to boss everyone and put everyone down she and I actually get along fairly decent.

Should I pull her aside and let her know she’s crossed the line?

Do I directly talk to my boss about this?

I don’t want to seem like I can’t handle the new responsibility I’ve been given, or like I’m whining. Could REALLY use some inputs… if you’ve made it this far- thanks for reading.

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AUD - 74, 77! (1/2016)
BEC - 80! (5/2016)
REG - tbd (8/2016)
FAR - tbd

Study materials: NINJA MCQ/Audio/Notes

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!"
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[fuzyfro89]

I'm sorry if this comes across poorly, but I would hate working with a senior citizen… especially a grumpy and obnoxious one.

I've met some awesome and hilarious ones, but they tend to be fewer. If they're not an executive, it's usually someone who couldn't cut it to move up, and they just sit there doing the same stuff year after year. Makes it very VERY difficult to get them to change, because they've literally done it for at least a decade.

Good luck!

At the end of the day, you can't be a people pleaser. Someone will always be grumpy-pants.

[h0wdyus]

@fuzyfro89

I agree with fuzy. This lady is not indispensable and you are in no way inferior to her that you should bend over backwards and take her out for lunch for her nasty attitude.

This is the time in your life you should be worrying about charting your career and not thinking of how you are going to please this woman. Is she that important really…. It is draining your talent your energy your initiative.

If she is so important let your boss work with her, you should change jobs or tell your boss to get a backbone and fix the situation.

Change is good. Don't fear it. Don't fear anybody. Change is the only thing that is Constant in life.

I think I got too philosophical here, this is what studying for the exam does. 🙂

FAR - 81 29th Aug 2013
AUD - 84
REG - 82
BEC - 89 29th Aug 2014
Using Yager

FROM NJ

[Anonymous]

DO NOT talk to your boss at first. It makes you seem like you can't take care of your problems.

Pull her aside and speak with her about it. Explain to her how you appreciate the good things she does. Be specific. Then explain the issue(s) you have with her. Again, be specific.

Do this twice and reference the first discussion the second time. Document the discussions.

If her attitude persists, take it to your boss. Bring your notes and explain to him how and why it is hurting our department/team/whatever.

He'll have to have a discussion with her at some point. Maybe it will help show her the door. It sounds like its time anyway.

Also, I'm not buying the “I should be an executive, but I just want to work here” bs. She got knocked down by someone at some point and her attitude is probably the reason why.

[mla1169]

I also have a rude and overbearing coworker (she tells people we are the same age, which cracks me up since she's 12 years older than me.)

I just let her be a witch. Everyone here is crystal clear that she is toxic (but she still has a job because she takes care of the boss' laundry, dog, lunches, etc).

At the end of the day, she has to go home with her miserable self………I only have to tolerate her for the few hours she graces us with her wisdom (*cough, cough*)

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[impska]

Good for you. It's unfortunately that she's reacting by being unpleasant, but stick to your guns. Being rude and unpleasant is how this woman bullies people into doing what she wants, so it's not surprising that she's choosing to escalate. Stick to your guns, remain calm and ignore her rudeness. You are immune. She has no power over you.

REG - 94
BEC - 92
FAR - 92
AUD - 99

[Anonymous]

I'm actually in kind of a similar situation as you are. I have a person in my department who is absolutely unbearable but he's allowed to get away with it. He at one point, was asking me to let him proofread my emails before I would send them even though I didnt report to him at all. He is condescending towards me, treats me like I'm incompetent and stupid, even though I've proven myself many times and it was at the point where I was seriously contemplating leaving. I've seen emails from him talking about me to my manager, over really insignificant things that he either blew out of proportion or lied about. I talked to my manager about it 4 times and absolutely nothing changed. I even talked to my coworker about it and confronted him about the way he was treating me and it didnt do anything. I am now removed from any projects that he's on and we speak maybe once every three months. I also found out that he's leaving in September, thank GOD.

If your manager let's “Betty” get away with this behavior, there is no point in talking to him about how awful she is. It sounds like he's fully aware and it isnt worth it to him to do anything about it. The only thing I can think of is considering going to HR but I wouldn't do that unless she does something really horrible- that can backfire on you. Honestly, I would think about the culture at your company (I know I have). Do you really want to work at a place that allows employees to treat other employees the way Betty does?

[TNCPA16]

Just curious – do you know if your boss communicated to Betty that you were her indirect supervisor? Is she aware that your boss wants you to become the next ‘her'?

Sounds like you are handling the situation appropriately. Anyway you can delegate some special projects to her that she can do on her own? Keep her away from your team for awhile 🙂

[D]

@fuzyfro- totally agree! She definitely has so much knowledge, however she's been in the audit department for 7+ years… and her knowledge of what is going on out in the business units is a bit stale. She can't let that go and constantly challenges me when I tell her the process has changed… I transferred into the audit dept from being in our manufacturing facility and corporate accounting. SMH.

@billbraskey- great points. I've documented this one, have not discussed with my boss.

@michaelsjr- yes- he has communicated both to her. She knows that I'm supposed to become the next “her”, but I'm pretty sure that's gotten to her head. In her eyes, anything she says goes as long as she is in the group, even since I've been promoted to supervisor of the group. AND even though my boss has told me he's communicated to her that I'm supposed to lead.

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AUD - 74, 77! (1/2016)
BEC - 80! (5/2016)
REG - tbd (8/2016)
FAR - tbd

Study materials: NINJA MCQ/Audio/Notes

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!"
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[Author]

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