[SFLocal]

I need some advice. I received an offer for a local accounting firm, but I had to turn it down because my wife does not support my taking the offer. Accepting the offer entails a paycut, but I would easily make it up in 2 years. I received a promotion and a $15K raise in my current job that is unrelated to accounting. I was in school before we got married, so this career path was not coming out of nowhere.

How would you convince your spouse to support your decision?

BEC - Passed!
REG - Passed!
AUD - Passed!
FAR - Passed!

[Anonymous]

I think MLA hit the nail on the head – if she's worried and hoping that you'll heed her worry, that's cool; if she's not allowing you, that's different. The thing is, this decision affects both of you. Neither of you should be making an independent decision on it – her to reject OR you to accept. It should be approached jointly.

Now, if one spouse is just stupid, then a smart joint decision might not be able to be made. But I'm going to make the assumption that none of us married stupidity just cause it was pretty…and if that assumption is right, then some time and talking can lead to a mutual decision. My man and I have faced many situations in life – college, several job-changes, buying a house, deciding how to care for aging relatives, etc., pretty much everything except having kids…but we're both smart and both respect each other so we can talk through things and reach mutual agreement. Don't take the job against her advice; don't turn it down because she said “no”. Decide together what to do.

Beyond the generic marriage advice…

Try to figure out *all* the concerns and how they can be addressed. Try to understand why she feels the way she does. She wasn't just born thinking that you should only take a new job if it pays more – there's some reason that she's grown to believe that. And…you weren't born thinking that taking a paycut would make more money – there's reasons that you believe that. If you can both explain your reasons, then you can look for something that alleviates her concerns while keeping your benefits.

Also, the first offer isn't always the best. If you're promising you the world on a silver platter before you even get started, I would advise you to be cautious. I took the first public accounting offer that I received; I was promised the world, like partner in a few years, crap like that. I left a year later still making less than my boyfriend made working as a stocker at the grocery store and that was, hands-down, the worst job I have ever had, even without accounting for the pay. That doesn't mean that you should always turn down your first offer, it's just a caution to make sure it's an offer worth accepting before you accept it. And…if they're making generic statements about the likelihood of you getting raises but nothing concrete, then it sounds to me like they're trying to dangle the carrot in front of your nose to get you to bust your guts for a couple years without having to actually pay you more.

[CarrieM]

Wow – this struck enough of a chord with me that it will be my very first post!! LOL

Allow me to chime in as a former “the wife” in this situation. I am sure our circumstances differ wildly but maybe my perspective can help. My ex-husband came to me with a strong desire to change his field of work but what he didn't address was a plan of action on how we would survive financially. At the time I was a stay at home mom and hadn't yet obtained my degree nor had plan at the moment to be able to do so. With two very young children who would require daycare, going back to work at that moment was not really an option – any job I would have been able to get with my skills (administrative assistant) would have eaten any and all income I would be able to earn, with the added benefit of raising our earned income. In fact, between daycare, commuting expenses, increased laundry expenses (I'm thinking dry cleaning) and the inevitable increase in eating out from having to pick-up take out for late nights, as well as the cut in pay, I think we would have been deeper in the hole than not having done any of it in the first place.

I believe it is important to not only explain the benefits of you doing this, but what your plan is to not only survive but thrive while you await increases in income to bring you back to where you were. My ex husband didn't do this and instead resorted to what I like to call magical thinking (i.e. “can't you just believe I will make it all work out?” Uh, no…). We had a big house with taxes which were increasing mightily each year and increasing living expenses. We had no solid plan of savings in place – heck, we didn't have a savings plan at all. For me, this was an issue of security for me and my kids. I couldn't see where my ex's plan was going to achieve that and he was unwilling or unable to meet that need in me.

We ended up divorcing for reasons not really related to any of this so please don't think this was a factor in the demise of our marriage.

If this is something you really want to do, I would – right now – begin living as if you are earning your “new” salary. Create a plan and budget which allows you to live and save on the lower salary and sock away anything additional over that you are now earning in some kind of untouchable investment vehicle – after all, you aren't going to be earning that money if you implement your plan (for a while anyway) so you may as well get used to not having it. I'd also do some research on your plan and get some data which can back you up and then sit down with your wife and really explain what you want to do, why you want to do it, what short term losses you may experience and how they may lead to long term gains. I'd sell it. Make your case.

Now ironically, I will be the one doing this very same thing. However, as the single captain of my own ship (as well as being the chief cook and bottle washer, laundress, taxi driver and all-round exhausted person!) I don't have to actually check-in with anyone. Nonetheless, my daughters are well-informed as the “The Plan” and are completely on board, stepping up to the plate to help out as they can (they are pre-teen and young teen) and being my reason for moving ahead full-throttle. I completed my bachelor's degree last May, graduating Magna cum Laude while trying to keep my nose above water as a full time employee/full-time student/single, sole supporting mother. I'm currently in an MSA program, expecting to complete it in May of 2014 and then diving directly into CPA test prep.

Just as I have recommended to you for your wife, I sat down my kids and explained to them what I was doing, why I was doing it, how it was going to get done and what I needed from them. They weren't decision makers, but they were stakeholders. It was important to me that they understood why we had make some of the sacrifices we were making and what they would gain in the end.

This was a bit longer than I had intended, but I hope it helps you to understand a little from the other end. You might start off your plan with this question to your wife – it should help you immensely in seeing this from her perspective and helping to address her needs–

“What is your greatest concern with me doing this?”

Good luck!

FAR: 5/12/16... and if I don't die from an anxiety attack...
AUD: 7/8/16
REG: 8/25/16
BEC: 11/3/16

[CarrieM]

Wow – this struck enough of a chord with me that it will be my very first post!! LOL

Allow me to chime in as a former “the wife” in this situation. I am sure our circumstances differ wildly but maybe my perspective can help. My ex-husband came to me with a strong desire to change his field of work but what he didn't address was a plan of action on how we would survive financially. At the time I was a stay at home mom and hadn't yet obtained my degree nor had plan at the moment to be able to do so. With two very young children who would require daycare, going back to work at that moment was not really an option – any job I would have been able to get with my skills (administrative assistant) would have eaten any and all income I would be able to earn, with the added benefit of raising our earned income. In fact, between daycare, commuting expenses, increased laundry expenses (I'm thinking dry cleaning) and the inevitable increase in eating out from having to pick-up take out for late nights, as well as the cut in pay, I think we would have been deeper in the hole than not having done any of it in the first place.

I believe it is important to not only explain the benefits of you doing this, but what your plan is to not only survive but thrive while you await increases in income to bring you back to where you were. My ex husband didn't do this and instead resorted to what I like to call magical thinking (i.e. “can't you just believe I will make it all work out?” Uh, no…). We had a big house with taxes which were increasing mightily each year and increasing living expenses. We had no solid plan of savings in place – heck, we didn't have a savings plan at all. For me, this was an issue of security for me and my kids. I couldn't see where my ex's plan was going to achieve that and he was unwilling or unable to meet that need in me.

We ended up divorcing for reasons not really related to any of this so please don't think this was a factor in the demise of our marriage.

If this is something you really want to do, I would – right now – begin living as if you are earning your “new” salary. Create a plan and budget which allows you to live and save on the lower salary and sock away anything additional over that you are now earning in some kind of untouchable investment vehicle – after all, you aren't going to be earning that money if you implement your plan (for a while anyway) so you may as well get used to not having it. I'd also do some research on your plan and get some data which can back you up and then sit down with your wife and really explain what you want to do, why you want to do it, what short term losses you may experience and how they may lead to long term gains. I'd sell it. Make your case.

Now ironically, I will be the one doing this very same thing. However, as the single captain of my own ship (as well as being the chief cook and bottle washer, laundress, taxi driver and all-round exhausted person!) I don't have to actually check-in with anyone. Nonetheless, my daughters are well-informed as the “The Plan” and are completely on board, stepping up to the plate to help out as they can (they are pre-teen and young teen) and being my reason for moving ahead full-throttle. I completed my bachelor's degree last May, graduating Magna cum Laude while trying to keep my nose above water as a full time employee/full-time student/single, sole supporting mother. I'm currently in an MSA program, expecting to complete it in May of 2014 and then diving directly into CPA test prep.

Just as I have recommended to you for your wife, I sat down my kids and explained to them what I was doing, why I was doing it, how it was going to get done and what I needed from them. They weren't decision makers, but they were stakeholders. It was important to me that they understood why we had make some of the sacrifices we were making and what they would gain in the end.

This was a bit longer than I had intended, but I hope it helps you to understand a little from the other end. You might start off your plan with this question to your wife – it should help you immensely in seeing this from her perspective and helping to address her needs–

“What is your greatest concern with me doing this?”

Good luck!

FAR: 5/12/16... and if I don't die from an anxiety attack...
AUD: 7/8/16
REG: 8/25/16
BEC: 11/3/16

[SFLocal]

I think a little background about my current job is in order:

I received my promotion and raise to $78K in Dec 2012. Prior to that, my salary was $63K. My current organization is relatively small and it was never my intention to stay for very long nor are there opportunities. In fact, one of my colleagues got laid off this October. I took the job because it was my first offer when I was laid off during the recession in 2009.

My immediate supervisor is unethical and incompetent. In a recent meeting several months ago, he suggested we lie to an outside agency using my data until I spoke up against it. This recent incident was only one of many incidents that caused me considerable stress and I told my wife I needed to get out ASAP.

I got my promotion because my new VP offered me the job. The offer was not from my immediate supervisor who wanted nothing to do with the new system and projects. I explained to my wife that I can not take this stroke of luck lightly and the $57K is not far off from $63K I had and if I took the offer in public accounting, I planned to move into IT audit as quickly as possible to get back to the $78K+ in 2 years. This was the reason I went gangbusters to finish the CPA exam before I started interviewing to ensure I get an offer.

My new VP is buffering the politics, but admitted to interviewing for CFO positions with other firms this year. In my perspective, it will be only a matter of time before I have to leave anyways.

BEC - Passed!
REG - Passed!
AUD - Passed!
FAR - Passed!

[SFLocal]

I think a little background about my current job is in order:

I received my promotion and raise to $78K in Dec 2012. Prior to that, my salary was $63K. My current organization is relatively small and it was never my intention to stay for very long nor are there opportunities. In fact, one of my colleagues got laid off this October. I took the job because it was my first offer when I was laid off during the recession in 2009.

My immediate supervisor is unethical and incompetent. In a recent meeting several months ago, he suggested we lie to an outside agency using my data until I spoke up against it. This recent incident was only one of many incidents that caused me considerable stress and I told my wife I needed to get out ASAP.

I got my promotion because my new VP offered me the job. The offer was not from my immediate supervisor who wanted nothing to do with the new system and projects. I explained to my wife that I can not take this stroke of luck lightly and the $57K is not far off from $63K I had and if I took the offer in public accounting, I planned to move into IT audit as quickly as possible to get back to the $78K+ in 2 years. This was the reason I went gangbusters to finish the CPA exam before I started interviewing to ensure I get an offer.

My new VP is buffering the politics, but admitted to interviewing for CFO positions with other firms this year. In my perspective, it will be only a matter of time before I have to leave anyways.

BEC - Passed!
REG - Passed!
AUD - Passed!
FAR - Passed!

[jeff]

What % of people at that firm actually average an 11% raise per year their first 2 years?

Jeff Elliott, CPA (KS) | Another71 | NINJA CPA | NINJA CMA | NINJA CPE

[jeff]

What % of people at that firm actually average an 11% raise per year their first 2 years?

Jeff Elliott, CPA (KS) | Another71 | NINJA CPA | NINJA CMA | NINJA CPE

[SFLocal]

It would not be a raise. I met with managers in the firm's IT audit group and they actually wanted me to start immediately with them. I decided that it would be prudent to get the audit experience first. IT audit salaries is at least $10K above audit and tax.

BEC - Passed!
REG - Passed!
AUD - Passed!
FAR - Passed!

[SFLocal]

It would not be a raise. I met with managers in the firm's IT audit group and they actually wanted me to start immediately with them. I decided that it would be prudent to get the audit experience first. IT audit salaries is at least $10K above audit and tax.

BEC - Passed!
REG - Passed!
AUD - Passed!
FAR - Passed!

[Study Monk]

I worked with IT auditors a little bit at McGladrey and what they did was test system integrity. I don't think you need audit experience before moving to IT audit. I would just go strait to IT auditing.

I spoke to an ancient wise man who sent me on a mushroom induced journey through an ancient forest to find the key to passing the CPA exam. A talking spider monkey told me to throw the last of my drinking water in the dirt to find what I was looking for. So I followed his instructions and the following message appeared in the soil:

"Do 5000 multiple choice questions for each section"

[Study Monk]

I worked with IT auditors a little bit at McGladrey and what they did was test system integrity. I don't think you need audit experience before moving to IT audit. I would just go strait to IT auditing.

I spoke to an ancient wise man who sent me on a mushroom induced journey through an ancient forest to find the key to passing the CPA exam. A talking spider monkey told me to throw the last of my drinking water in the dirt to find what I was looking for. So I followed his instructions and the following message appeared in the soil:

"Do 5000 multiple choice questions for each section"

[MassiveDynamic]

You make $78K right now and want to drop down to $57K? 36.8% decrease in income? Whoa, that is a HUGE risk. There is no guarantee that the company you start with will grow your income back to $78K.

B 85 Aug 2015
A 81 Jan 2015
R 78 May 2015
F 76 Jul 2015
DONE!!

[MassiveDynamic]

You make $78K right now and want to drop down to $57K? 36.8% decrease in income? Whoa, that is a HUGE risk. There is no guarantee that the company you start with will grow your income back to $78K.

B 85 Aug 2015
A 81 Jan 2015
R 78 May 2015
F 76 Jul 2015
DONE!!

[sonygal57]

I am aghast/impressed with some of the comments on this thread.

I have dreams and hopes for my future and have posted some of them on A71. I was distraught when my hubby was not supportive of my pursing a masters degree. I am glad I have him though because he is my reality, he is my anchor to reality anyway.

I said if I spend 30K getting my Masters in Tax I will get X amount a year. He said you have to pay off your student loans from your bach before you spend that kind of money on a Masters.

I hated him for a moment before I realized how right he was. Also Jeff and Acamp had some words of wisdom that helped. You can't dish out money or in your case give up guaranteed money for hopes and dreams. If you have children an uncertain future can be much more detrimental then the I know what I am getting. While it seems certain you may make more in the future it is not a guarantee and you must consider the opinions of those that you invited into your life.

That being said, before I gave up on my 30K masters degree program I gave a full month of consideration….it took me that long to realize I was the one being selfish!

Good old Gandalf, "All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is give to us."
"Not all those who wander are lost."

FAR: I slayed the Dragon!
BEC: I defeated the Siren!
AUD: I eliminated Medusa!
REG: ?????

[sonygal57]

I am aghast/impressed with some of the comments on this thread.

I have dreams and hopes for my future and have posted some of them on A71. I was distraught when my hubby was not supportive of my pursing a masters degree. I am glad I have him though because he is my reality, he is my anchor to reality anyway.

I said if I spend 30K getting my Masters in Tax I will get X amount a year. He said you have to pay off your student loans from your bach before you spend that kind of money on a Masters.

I hated him for a moment before I realized how right he was. Also Jeff and Acamp had some words of wisdom that helped. You can't dish out money or in your case give up guaranteed money for hopes and dreams. If you have children an uncertain future can be much more detrimental then the I know what I am getting. While it seems certain you may make more in the future it is not a guarantee and you must consider the opinions of those that you invited into your life.

That being said, before I gave up on my 30K masters degree program I gave a full month of consideration….it took me that long to realize I was the one being selfish!

Good old Gandalf, "All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is give to us."
"Not all those who wander are lost."

FAR: I slayed the Dragon!
BEC: I defeated the Siren!
AUD: I eliminated Medusa!
REG: ?????

[Author]

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