[SHIRLY143]

So I read so many of these posts in the last 2 days trying to find the correct solution, yet I can’t. So here is my story and I would so appreciate some feedback.

Graduated fall 2009. I started the CPA study 2010. Took bec n audit failed both. My marriage had been on a rough path since 2006 when I went back to sac state to complete my BS after having 2 kids. We’ll things never got better but I made it to graduation somehow. Semester after semester thinking of dropping out, fighting, but then pushing through with a full time job, 2 kids n an insecure husband. I made it. Fortunately got a job with FTB couple months after graduation. After my first attempt of CPA in 2010 I gave up. Marriage issues were on the rise. I would pick up to study like every 3 months. Then drop it due to problems in marriage. 2011-2013 still married, n together but problems have not yet disappeared.

2013 I slowly studied n took audit again. Scored better than first time but did not pass. 2014 we r still together. This year I wanna study again. I got the books, paid the fees once n let it expire. 🙁

Husband says he will allow me time. Yet it all the work drops on me.

My routine. I wake up at 5am to shower n pray. Then prep breakfast n lunch for kids n husband for school n work. I drop kids to school n go to wrk. After wrk schedule as follows:

Monday-I get out of wrk in time to take daughter to dance class at 6. daughter has dance class from 6-7. I drop her . Use that hour to wrk out or run pick her up at 715. Drop couple other girls n get home by 7:40. Prep dinner while kids shower. I sometimes make tortillas or curry for Tuesday lunch on Monday night. Kids eat. I help/chk homewrk. By the time I shower it like 10. I’m beat.

Tuesday- I like to do some sort if Jillian michaels video at home if I don’t go to gym for an hour to refresh . Shower by 7:30. Dinner. Chk home wrk. It’s 8:30-9. I can study for a couple hours maybe.

Wednesday- almost similar to Tuesday. I make dinner.

Thursday- pick kids after wrk around 6. Get home 6:30. We get home around 6:30 everyday by the way, I chk kids home wrk. Usually kids are scheduled to go to devotional singing at 7:30. If I don’t take them there is a huge argument. Why I can’t take a break one day n go.

Friday- I telework. Son has gymnastic at 5:30-7:30. So I take him. For two hours I running onto gym to wrk out. Come home shower n be ready to study couple hours.

Saturday I have to help clean house coz if I don’t there is a fight. Make lunch/dinner. If I get to study couple hours day time it will be full of interruptions. Come n chk this, or kids running to me. Out laundry in etc . Sunday I have to take kids to temple at 9:30. If husband takes them I have to have lunch ready as they get back around 1pm.

Some ppl suggested, take vacations with him. We took 2 this year. One in January, one in April. I do dinners, I propose to go to movies. We have dinner together every weekend. Weekdays kids eat together, husband n I eat together for most part. He is always saying yes go study, go study. But nxt minute they want me to do something. He does not understand why I can waste an hour to exercise and not just get home, shower n start studying. I’m a tax auditor. After staring at law n computer all day, I am beat. Now he does help me don’t take me wrong. He does the dishes, help clean.

Now my husband has no college education. I thought maybe if he went to college he wud understand. But I can’t even have him register for classes. CPA is a dream for me. I try to do so much for them. But they always complain that I don’t do enough. They want me to go play with them, go to swim with them, watch tv. How do I keep the balance and achieve my dream. I do not know how to make him understand what kinda devil CPA , what kinda commitment it requires. How much time I need to put it etc. please advice.

[SHIRLY143]

Gian I totally agree with u on getting him to college. I have been trying so hard. He registered for one class n a month later dropped it. 🙁

I wud love to see him in my shoes, studying n understanding what it feels like to be studying.

Sounds like I need to give up my 3 hours of cardio time that I get in a week. I'm going to keep trying.

[SHIRLY143]

Anjanja did marriage counseling back in 2011/2012..

Yes sadly we don't have a great marriage. Feels more like we r together for kids. Married 12 years now

[klink24]

So when you're doing all of this running around, what is he doing? If he's just sitting around the house waiting on you to come home and cook dinner, he needs to get over himself and step it up to help you out. If his career or activities are so demanding that the two of you are busy at the same level, then you need to figure out how to fit everything in. He certainly can't be blamed for not helping out if he's just as busy as you, even if it's not centered around cooking, cleaning, and running the kids around.

Also, if you agreed to be that type of mom that handles everything, you have a responsibility to own up to that commitment or convince him why he should take on more. My wife and I had an agreement for a long time that my prime responsibility was dishes and hers was laundry. I cleaned downstairs and she upstairs. As far as dinner, whoever felt like cooking would cook. If no one felt like it, we eat out or make something easy. As far as kids' activities, I handled my son's and she handled my daughter's. Now we have another daughter and she's not going back to work. That simplifies things even more. I focus on my career and she takes care of the family. We've never been happier!

FAR: 4/19/2014 - 85!
AUD: 5/27/2014 - 90!
REG: 7/18/2014 - 81!
BEC: 8/13/2014 - 84!

4 up, 4 down, in 4 months.

Licensed 9/22 in NC.

[teeteenounouche]

Omg, my hats off to you Shirl!! I could NOT have passed my exams with that schedule. Ok, so you're going to stay at least in the short term so I suggest you make a schedule out of your first post and add his name in half the spots and tack it on the refrigerator. Then tell him, once a week you will do something, anything, he wants to do for being such a wonderful husband and “helping” you achieve your goal. No one wants to go out of there way without some kind of benefit, even partners (whether they admit it or not)

Florida:
AUD: 73, 81! Thank you Lord!
BEC: 73, 77! Thank you Lord! and WTB
REG: 71, 82! Thank you Lord! and A71
FAR: 72, 78! Thank you God and my Mommy in Heaven!

CPA Excel, Ninja Notes & Audio, Wiley Test Bank, CPAreviewforfree

[mla1169]

You're not going to get him to college. That's your priority not his.

Was married for 13 years then divorced. Turns our my ex was bipolar. He got counseling, got on meds, and 8 years after our divorce, we remarried. After 27 years including the 8 we were divorced I've learned quite a bit about relationships.

Make a decision that he is what he is. Then decide if it's something you can live with. If not there are far worse things than being a single mom. Actually I look back fondly on the years I raised 2 kids alone. Now that were back together I remind myself often that I chose him exactly the way he is and it's not for me to change him, but to accept now what I accepted when we wed in 1989 and again in 2011. My advice is consistent in both this and the other thread-you chose this person at a specific point in time. Your needs and ambition may change but you can't demand that the other person follows suit.

My schedule while studying was similar to yours except add 2 grad classes per semester. Then lead Girl Scouts and coach cheer. It's hell, but it's not forever.

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[lanoner]

School isn't for everyone. It sounds like he needs a hobby. My husband and I went through a rough patch while I was studying earlier this year until we discovered he actually needs a new career plan,. MUCH better now.

I completely agree about making the study plan portable. I've taken the Ninja audio to the gym before, and listen to it while doing chores. If you get the time for exercising, maybe you can work in some time to exercise longer a few nights and study the other. You wake up early, but maybe you could try waking up earlier, and study during lunch. Have you read Jeff's ELL schedule? https://www.another71.com/study-for-cpa-exam-tax-season/?inf_contact_key=d82bc7eae1a7918d0c34579879f5bb70d84186c8de9c9b62035e8d81ea9e761d

AUD 83
FAR 80
REG 83
BEC 81

[Tux]

mla's advice about giving him praise and appreciation for whatever he does (even if you don't think he does enough) is right on. Men need a lot of validation.

And, like someone else said, sounds like there's contempt towards him, which is very understandable. Very challenging.

Pray for God to give you the strength and focus to give your husband the praise that he needs, and to find the energy and time to study.

I realize that you want him to go to school. How does HE feel about his career? Does he like it? Does he see himself as successful?

If not, it probably adds to his insecurities. Then to see how goal-oriented and motivated you are might stir up any insecurities about being less successful than he'd like to be. I don't know. Just a possibility.

So, give him 10 times the encouragement that you would like for him to give you, like – “Thank you so much for being so supportive of my studying! You often tell me to go study, so that shows that you're supportive of me. Thank you so much for being so conscious of that. You're the best”

It's reverse psychology. It will make him actually want to do it.

Once that softens him up, you can share how extremely hard this is for you and try to discuss ways to work together on small solutions – like dinner and taxi for the kids.

For me, learning about Emotional Intelligence has helped me to stay positive during very challenging times.

FAR - 86 - 2/27/14
AUD - 75 - 5/29/14
BEC - 80 - 8/31/14
REG - 89 - 2/27/15
Praise Jesus! I'm done!!

Study resources:
Becker
Wiley test bank

[Anonymous]

I take offense to the “men need a lot of validation” comment. I'm a man and I just want my wife to leave me alone most of the time.

Women clearly need more validation. That's why they try on 8,000 dress/shoes/makeup combos before they go out.

[mla1169]

In general people like to have their efforts acknowledged. (Also in general people tend to think they've made greater efforts than they actually have, myself included!)

Don't care whether your SO is a man or woman its important to lavish praise on them for anything and everything. No person that I've ever met has rolled their eyes and said ‘ugh, my partner is great BUT won't stop thanking me all the time”.

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like everyone in the house needs to appreciate what they have. Feed them bland rice or plain bread and water for a week, maybe then they will appreciate all of the cooking.

[Anonymous]

I would be probably feel contempt for my husband too if he acted like that. The CPA Exam is hard enough, without a husband who isn't right there cheering you on the whole time. I am lucky to have a husband who is there for me 150% but its still hard- I feel like I'm neglecting our marriage because I'm spending so much time working on this exam. I make sure that every Friday and Saturday night is time for us, rather than studying. I also try to plan easier meals (rotisserie chicken, frozen steamed veggies, baked potato; chicken caesar salad; tacos, etc) so that he can make them some nights and it's not taking 2 hours out of his night. We have house cleaners too that come once a week and that helps a lot. Something to consider is marriage counseling; maybe that would help open the lines of communication and help your husband to understand how important the CPA Exam is to you.

[Author]

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