[missymoo]

I have taken the exams on and off since 2001 and during this time I have had two children (now ages 5 and 7). Back in my earlier test taking times I would pass a part here and there but of course those parts didn’t count because I could never get two parts at one time. I started back up studying in January of this year with my husbands full support. Took my first audit exam in May and failed. Then my husband and I decided that Beckers would be the way to go and paid the large sum of money so I retook the audit exam in July and failed. Now I feel non-stop pressure from my husband. He gets aggitated when I leave the house to go study (kids are too loud and I can’t study at home). I will study at Starbucks for 8 hours a week. I will study at home after the kids go to bed but my husband even gets aggitated with that because he wants me to lie in bed with him. Then I am up until 3 am studying because this is the only time I get alone. I have talked to him and he says he wants to spend time with me. Now tonight he asked me if this studying thing was going to be an everynight occurence? He swears up and down that he supports me and will do everything he can to help me but everytime I tell him how I feel we just get in a huge argument.

I want this CPA because it is a goal of mine at this point. I have been pushing for it for so many years now.

I am wondering if any of you have gone through a similar experience?

[missymoo]

oops posted twice…i am new to the forum and am trying to figure this all out.

[shiggity80]

I'm not married nor do I have any kids, but I'll add my 2 cents in.

As most everyone else has said, no one really understands the beast that is the CPA unless you are studying for it or have studied for it in the past. No question about that.

However, I also don't agree with people saying things like “oh your husband is 100% wrong”, or “He needs to get off your back”, etc. You and him made a promise to each other when you guys got married. You both vowed to pretty much stick with each other for better or for worse. I'm not saying you are right and he is wrong or vice versa. My point is that your marriage and family should come first, even over the CPA. This of course, doesn't mean you can't pursue your CPA but if the CPA is causing permanent life-long damage, then something needs to change. Basically, there needs to be a balance between you two and a clear path of communication about it. It takes sacrifice on both sides.

He has to understand that this is a huge commitment for you and that you need time away from him, the kids, the house, etc to get through it and pass. He shouldn't be hounding you and nagging you left and right (though it is understandable as he doesn't know what it is like pursuing a CPA)

On the other hand, you have to understand that he doesn't want you to disappear from his life either. You have to also take care of your husband and show that you still love him. It sounds like he “lashes” out at you because he just misses you being there.

It's a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck to find that right balance. Good luck w/ everything!

FAR: 87
AUD: 86
BEC: 86
REG: 84! Officially Done!

[Anonymous]

@OP

I thought you saying your, “husband even gets aggitated with that because he wants me to lie in bed with him” was code for: he was trying to get some action but you were too busy studying or something. (I'm not trying to be a smart ass, I run into the same “scheduling conflict” frequently with my spouse). But if just wants you there so he can go to sleep, that is kinda selfish and a little weird. Studying for the CPA exam is unfortunately a sacrifice on the household, not just the person studying for the test….

[Anonymous]

[moey]

I agree with Shiggity80 too. Although I'm no where near having children nor married yet. The CPA is a huge priority, but you are still in a relationship too. There has to be some small down time during the week where you can have husband & wife time. Plus, the time could be a good relaxer from studying.

I think the fact that he wants to lie in bed (aka cuddle) with you at night is actually super sweet. It can be too much, but I think trying to wake up early to study instead of staying up late would be a good change so that he can get some time with you too.

But you guys are in a marriage, he can't just keep giving and not be receiving anything at all in return. It sounds like he's been really giving for the past 7 months so I think his intentions are there, it's just been a long ride :/.

Lastly, if you haven't already maybe try to come up with something big like a vacation that guys can look forward to doing after you're done with the exam.

FAR - 90
REG - 75
AUD
BEC

[mla1169]

I am lol at people who are not moms giving advice to make time for the hubby.

When you are a working mom, you're lucky to get to pee by yourself. Add in the CPA and you can pretty well plan on holding it for a year plus. Seriously.

If hubby wants attention so badly, he'd better be making moms life easier in other ways–she'd better come home to a spotless house with dinner steaming hot on the table.

Otherwise hubby needs to understand that momma is making a better life for the children that they chose together to bring into this world. Momma's also being a fantastic role model for her girls showing them the value of hard work and education.

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[jokami]

@missymoo

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this situation with your husband, miss time with your kids plus the agony of the CPA exam!!! I don't know what would I do if that were my situation.

My husband has been so incredible!!!! I don't mean to brag here or to shove it up to everyone's face but… when I decided to pursue the CPA license; he jumped right in the train with me. He told me to quit my job and to just take care of our daughter and the exam. To leave everything else to him. Money, food, and cleaning!!! He really has been a hero and has executed it perfectly. He know what I'm going thru because he had his own exam bar to deal with. He really is my hero…

But I would use Kricket's strategy… I like her style.. I am pretty tough, so I think I can pull it off too…

B - 62, 70, 72, 79!!!
A - 68, 81
R - 70, 82
F - 84

"The limit to your abilities is where you place them" - Fortune Cookies

[Anonymous]

Make sure you spend dinner time with your family – without talking about the test once. They want some of your attention and you need to eat anyway.

[Kim4]

I'm a mom of 4 — married 16 years — work full time — just got done (hopefully, oh please Lord) with the CPA exam… just to throw my street cred in there, LOL

I agree with the above posters that a serious conversation is in order. Your husband needs to sacrifice as much as you do.

However, I would add that during all this time, I made time to go on walks with my husband about 3 times a week. My oldest is 11, so we felt comfortable leaving everyone with her while we went walking close by. That may not work for you. But, what I would suggest during this conversation is that you ask your husband what is the one thing he would like from you during these next months. He gets one :). Maybe it is a walk like we did, or maybe it's a little time at night before bed, or maybe he would like it if you did the dishes 2 or 3 times a week so he wouldn't have to do it all the time. Have him choose one thing that would make him feel special and still connected with you. Then, THAT thing now comes first, then CPA exam studying next. There's time to do it all.

And, just from my experience — I got much better studying done at 5am than after the kids went to bed. Because, if your kids are anything like mine, the time they go to bed isn't the same time that they are actually asleep and quiet!! So, for me, it worked out to go to bed at 9pm or so, then wake up super early to study before work.

FAR -- 90
AUD -- 95
BEC -- 82
REG -- 92

DONE!

[mmcgrad1]

Anything worth doing is challenging and takes time and effort. You both agreed that you would work on passing the exam because it is important to you professionally and personally. It seems to me, your difficulty with passing was due to lack of adequate preparation. You've spent the money for the materials. Now you need to spend the time to learn them. He needs to understand this. This entails sacrifice on both your parts. You must sacrifice time taking care of the children and spending time with him in order to study in a conducive environment. He must sacrifice time with you and must do more to help with the kids so that you can study. If you both can work together as a team on this, then you can pass the exam sooner and spend more time with your family. You'll all be happier because you accomplished something you've wanted to do for a long time and you've grown personally and professionally and all of you will be back to the normal routine.

NIU CPA Review Correspondence is awesome!

I passed all four sections on the first attempt

[Mom2two]

I just wanted to add a little to this. Married, two kids so I know the time commitments you are facing. I would really try to follow Jeff's ELL plan. Do a little in the morning, lunch and then after. I think it leaves a few days in there for dinner with the family. That will make them and you feel better. Make sure you are getting sleep!! Also set out a firm study plan and show him the hours it takes. I think the average is around 4 – 6 weeks per section with about 20 – 25 hours a week. It will only get harder as the exam drags on. He needs to fully support you and not zap any remaining energy you have with guilt. It is tough and there is no easy answer. Just try to set that schedule, share it with him, stick to it and make sure you are using your time productively…no surfing the internet, etc. Also when you do spend time with the family, do just that, no exam talk.Good luck, don't let anyone stand in your way. You can do this. Once you put your mind to it, you might be surprised by just how strong you are. 🙂

B: 81 (3X) May 2012
A: 76 (1X) Nov 2011
R: 86 (2X) Feb 2012
F: 64, April 2011, retake 10.01.12 - 75!!!!!!!!!!

[missymoo]

I remember studying when I didn't have kids and my life was so much easier. My husband even made a comment that I seemed more dedicated to the exam back then…”well yeah, I could come and go as I pleased! I could also spend 8 hours at the library on Saturdays and Sundays plus still have a date night.” BUT when you add two kids to the picture your world has completely turned upside down and any alone or free time that you once knew is now gone.

I get pressure from work to get the CPA and I also have the internal pressure from myself to get the CPA. Becuase I have been trying for so long it has now become a goal of mine.

dtomasello – you are completely right, he feels neglected of his manly needs…I am going to start going to bed earlier so there will be time for whoopie.

I have NEVER been a morning bird so I just need to train my body to wake up early. I tried this morning and failed but we will once again try tomorrow.

We did have a talk last night and we came to an agreement…he siad that he will give me all the study time I need but if I don't pass in the next three trys then we put it on hold. I think this is fair (although some of you may not) becuase now I can study my ass off and show him that I need hours and hours and hours of time to study. He just wants to see that the studying is actually paying off.

[missymoo]

Kim4- I like the idea of asking him for 1 think that he would change or 1 think that he wants to see more from me. I will do that today.

[missymoo]

where can I find Jeff's ELL plan?

[mla1169]

I actually like the idea of 3 more tries to get it going….I'm sure you'll pass all 3 of those, but I think in the worst case scenario you'd be far too burnt out to keep plugging along (for now) .

Meanwhile take whatever help you can get, if you've got family and/or friends who might take your kiddos overnight do it, if either yourself or your husband cooks a meal double it (just as easy to make a double batch) and freeze the leftovers for another night, and become fast friends with your crock pot (I've got some great recipes)

Use paper plates/plastic utensils whenever possible, if someone asks what you want for birthday/anniversary get merry maids or cash for a sitter, try the audio recordings to listen to in the car or while you're doing housework.

This is the time to get VERY creative with shortcuts. Don't bother with that whole superwoman stuff 🙂

FAR- 77
AUD -49, 71, 84
REG -56,75!
BEC -75

Massachusetts CPA (non reporting) since 3/12.

[Author]

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