[mystical guy]

I’m a man in a Audit team with all my colleagues being women and the one who trains me has been a bit too “friendly” toward me, including getting into details of how I should organize my desk…bringing me stuff, cute gifts, asking me to join clubs she attends..etc.

She’s mentioned a couple of times that she’s engaged and often complains about her man, even asking me to agree with her…but I stay out of that.

I noticed that when she sits next to me, she will push her legs so close toward me that they will be very “intimate”. When I pull away my leg and give her space she becomes upset. She has also been touching me a lot and asking me out to lunch every day, even when I insist I go home for lunch. Constantly checks on my feelings, constantly asks if I’m happy and what she could “do” for me.

I’m just wondering, I’m I overreacting here or could she be attracted to me? I love this job so much and I know any type of affair or office romance will probably put me in jeopardy. I just wanna know that I’m overreacting and I’m crazy.

CPA - Since 2015
CISA - Smashed 2012
CIA - Passed 2015

[M.O.D.]

@ mystical

You write “let's forget about the sexual harassment or whatever it is”. Yes let's, because it is clear nothing will happen without you making it happen.

Second, she, like many women, is looking for emotional support from men. If you agree to something she wants, she uses that support with the manager. She is adding her interest to your interest and presenting it to the manger as a whole to make it seem more convincing.

It is a manipulation of sorts, but nothing to worry about. If you do not want to go with her, tell her up front, and I doubt she will continue adding your “support” to her presentation to the manger.

Second, like many women, she prefers the social setting of a group of friends. She sees you as a (malleable) friend and uses you as company, because she does not like to be (or go) alone.

BA Mathematics, UC Berkeley
Certificates in CPA and EA preparation, College of San Mateo
CMA I 420, II 470
FAR 91, AUD Feb 2015 (Gleim self-study)

[mystical guy]

@M.O.D.

To be quite frank I'm far from what you'd call her “friend”. I'd consider myself an acquaintance or a colleague. The other ladies in the department are her friends, and one actually said that she wanted to go to the Audit trip (she's been there over 4 years and never gone to any of those trips).

Anyhow, I'm not here to flatter myself saying that someone is into me. And as far as “support”, I said I was excited to go to the trip with the Manager, not with the lady in question. But thanks for your input… I think this is one of those damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don't situations.

CPA - Since 2015
CISA - Smashed 2012
CIA - Passed 2015

[M.O.D.]

Depending on the situation, some women prefer the company of men to that of women. Men can be more solid, stronger, loyal, and less dramatic. If she sees you as sexually safe, I can see why she could prefer your work company to her women friends. Maybe you are more competent and her work benefits by this association.

This friendship may never have been made overt, but her actions speak louder than words.

Plus, she seems to be very comfortable around men, and she can bridge the boundary between men and women. It is a situation to learn from.

BA Mathematics, UC Berkeley
Certificates in CPA and EA preparation, College of San Mateo
CMA I 420, II 470
FAR 91, AUD Feb 2015 (Gleim self-study)

[Tripp11]

Maybe she's having MAJOR issues with her fiance and she sees things in you that she respects, admires, and is attracted to. Maybe she sees you as a prime candidate to start a relationship with.

You did say she was attractive and works out all the time – so you must find yourself admiring her looks and body and you find her appealing to you. Plus, nothing she says or does really turns you off, does it? You're just wondering how it will all play out at your employer.

Well, I can speak from experience at a Top 10 CPA firm and also a small, local CPA firm… The large CPA firm had people starting/ending relationships all the time. It was the nature of the beast when you travel as much as we did together. As long as it didn't impact the work product, no one cared. Our smaller firm has resulted in several staff members starting relationships, which still exist today. As long as it didn't impact the work product, no one cared.

If it were me, and I was attracted to her, I would just flirt back with her a little and see how it goes.

AUD - 93
BEC - 80
REG - 86
FAR - 83

[thelawnwranglers]

She might know you are really good, and want to work with you so her work looks better. I know when I run a project I want the best folks. If she has to flirt and give gifts to get you on the team she is going to do it.

She might think it is funny how a little innocent flirtation makes you so uncomfortable.

If the touches bother you then you have to tell her. If you think she can't handle it you have to tell HR (worst case scenario bc their only goal is to protect the company).

I think you should go on this trip knock it out see how it goes. If it turns bad go get that big paycheck somewhere else.

win win

[mystical guy]

Thanks for the responses. I can now overrule friendship. Something that has happened today has removed all my doubts. She definitely wants something out of me. I'm going to try and be careful so that I can advance my career. I DO NOT find the sexual advances appealing, and I'm not interested in doing anything with the person. But shooting her down would lead me to problems. I just have to be careful not to do anything but to do something at the same time.

I'll need to consult my confidant but the damn fool hasn't gotten a phone yet, still stuck with his Big 4 phone, and I can't call that and discuss private issues. I'll keep you all updated.

CPA - Since 2015
CISA - Smashed 2012
CIA - Passed 2015

[stoleway]

I only want to hear the “Good News” , in case you update us in the future.

REG -63│ 84!!
BEC- 59│70│ 71 │78!
AUD- 75!
FAR- 87!

Mass-CPA

[tomq04]

Plan a meet up, and let her know you have some weird issues and can only do these things with a bag on your head. Get Skynet to double as you and take care of business.

REG- (1) 76
FAR- (2) 64, (5)74, (7)83 (Over achiever!)
AUD- (3) 70, (4) 75
BEC- (6) 75

[SFLocal]

@mystical guy: Is your evidence direct or circumstantial? If it is direct evidence, start formulating contingency plans including finding employment elsewhere. Start documenting as others have said and start interviewing with other firms. Try not to stir this toilet of a mess too much because you might still need allies at your current company in the future.

BEC - Passed!
REG - Passed!
AUD - Passed!
FAR - Passed!

[Anonymous]

I'm with SFLocal at this point you need to be looking for a new job. If you can't ignore and/or avoid this situation without having to seek help with the issue from others at the firm, regardless of who is right or wrong this will probably permanently affect your work environment.

[super_cpa]

I wonder what mystical guy looks like… must be pretty charming to have a hot girl hitting on him and asking the manager to have him go with her on business trips.

- "Of all people, you know who I am… who the world needs me to be. I’m Wonder Woman."

[mystical guy]

@SFLocal I have both types of evidence but it's all argumentative. But I'm now starting to collect strong evidence, and I'm considering recording conversations, if we end up alone this weekend (trying to get out of that, though).

@super_cpa The girl is out of my league but that doesn't change the fact that I wish this wasn't happening. That I wish she saw me as a brother instead.

This is truly sad because the company went out of their way to hire me and give me close to the base salary I had in mind. The benefits are just out of this world, and I can do my thing, my promotion is already set for next year.

But understand that moving to another company just means moving to some other problem. I have a thorn in my flesh. Maybe this is how life is supposed to be. Thorn in my flesh.

CPA - Since 2015
CISA - Smashed 2012
CIA - Passed 2015

[Anonymous]

There may be potential to move within the company without moving between companies, too. Regarding recording conversations, look up the laws in your state (or the state your weekend trip will be in) – in some states, it is illegal to record someone without their knowledge, regardless of who you are, who they are, etc. Like, theoretically, in some states, if I push the video button on my phone while my long-term boyfriend and I are talking about Sesame Street, it's illegal. So, if you're in one of those states, the recorded evidence wouldn't be permissible in a court of law or really even to the employer since it was illegally obtained. Just a thought to keep in mind.

As far as thorns in the flesh, yes to some extent, but everyone has different thorns they tolerate better. I had a former boss (it's not on my LinkedIn profile, very short job, so no one get any ideas about who from my profile 😉 ) who seemed to want a mistress more than an accountant, and that was a thorn in my flesh that I personally couldn't handle.

[Anonymous]

i'd bang her

[mystical guy]

@ Lilla, I'll look at the State laws regarding the recording. Thanks for the tips.

If I was a greedy person I'd just collect the evidence and use it to settle as I exit the company. I know they would never want something like this to get out and show the company in a poor light. But that's not the person I am.

I'm looking to amass evidence, written, recorded (if legal), even communications with a confidant or something like that. Then I'm considering trying to reason things out with her, though I've noticed she'll throw a tantrum, cry, do whatever she can to get her way.

If talking doesn't work, I can use the ammo to leave the company with some compensation.

CPA - Since 2015
CISA - Smashed 2012
CIA - Passed 2015

[Author]

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